Two Old Jews from Chicago in New York City

What happens when you take two gefilte fish out of water

Mookie Spitz
2 min readNov 22, 2023


Howie & Mookie visit the renowned Oculus transit terminal and high end shopping mall in downtown Manhattan…

Howie: What a dump!

Mookie: These people have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

Howie: I don’t see a single tailor shop, grocery store, or delicatessen.

Mookie: Where’s the hot dog stand?

Howie: Where? Where!?

Mookie: Not a one.

Howie: Not a clue.

Mookie: Zero damaged brand name discount outlets. I see no place to recycle my shoes.

Howie: A travesty of business sense.

Mookie: Must be the NYC water.

Howie: Heard it’s great for bagels.

Mookie: I call bullshit.

Howie. Who’s in charge here? They need big hanging “Sale” signs, ninety-nine cent bargains, “Two for One” Tuesdays.

Mookie: I can’t even find the rest room.

Howie: How much is the rent?

Mookier: Bet it’s fifty cents, a dollar per square foot.

Howie: Who can afford that?

Mookie: Shitty companies, like the Apple Store.

Howie: They’ll never make it.

Mookie: Long way from Maxwell Street.

Howie: Was all about the packaging then.

Mookie: “When the West was won.”

Howie: I knew this atheist Rabbi, used to grill Polish sausage like a motherfucker.

Mookie: A lady fell out of a window in our apartment complex yesterday, plummeted twenty-two stories onto a scaffolding.

Howie: Oy! Bet she could have done better.

Mookie: Had she only tried harder.

Howie: At least her aim was true.

Mookie: On my epitaph I want inscribed: “He over-promised, and under-delivered.”

Howie: I already have that motto posted above my bed.

Mookie: My niece works in the Starbucks upstairs!

Howie: You’ve been holding out. Can we get a free capuccino?

Mookie: We can try.

Howie: Jesus Christ! Let’s go!

Mookie: We might embarass her.

Howie: Oh, we’ll definitely embarass her.

Mookie: Mission, accomplished.

Howie: The price is right.

Mookie: What are you waiting for?

Howie: How far?

Mookie: One flight up.

Howie: Let’s take the elevator.



Mookie Spitz

Author and communications strategist. His latest book SUPER SANTA is available on Amazon, with a sci fi adventure set for Valentine's Day 2024.