Part 5: Something’s Happening
An original screenplay
This is part 5 of a five-part script. If you haven’t read parts one through four yet, click here. Otherwise, you can finish the screenplay below…
INT — MIDDLEBERG GALLERY, hour later:
Slow pan across Impressionist Exhibit.
Crowds gape in front of protected paintings.
Pan stops at MORT and WILLARD, wearing Sunday best: women look at paintings on opposite wall. Scantily clad for summer, they are oblivious to two leering old men.
MORT
So, we’ve had a few slip-ups, but look! Art! What did I tell you, Willy? Art!
WILLARD
I don’t understand why the wife doesn’t bring home one of these pieces.
MORT
Fact is always stranger than fiction. If you live long enough, sooner or later you’ll see everything.
LIONEL, dressed professionally, approaches them.
LIONEL
Gentlemen?
Silence, as two men continue to gape.
LIONEL
Uh hum — Gentlemen?
MORT
Oh! Yes, yes my good friend.
LIONEL
I am Lionel, the curator, and my wife Lola has recently told me much about you two.
WILLARD
All fine things, fine things from a fine woman.
LIONEL
Thank you. (Pointing to side door) This way, please.
LIONEL leads them through…
INT — GALLERY, INNER STORAGE AREA:
Back room, full of crates.
LIONEL motions them to several folding chairs. They sit.
LIONEL
You are in possession of a painting?
MORT
Painting? Which one?
LIONEL
My wife informs me that, uh, you gentlemen have —
WILLARD
— Have?
LIONEL
A painting is missing from the collection — a Degas piece to be specific, “Two Dancers On Stage,” a ballet piece, to be more specific.
MORT
(snorting rudely)
Yeah, we know. We read the papers.
LIONEL
(leaning forward)
I also understand that you are in possession of a duplicate, a skilled forgery. one so well executed as to make identification difficult. one that —
MORT
One hundred thousand and —
WILLARD
(overlapping “thousand”)
— fifty thousand — dollars.
LIONEL
One hundred? One hundred fifty thousand dollars?
MORT
One seventy-five.
WILLARD
One eighty-five.
MORT
One ninety —
LIONEL
— Gentleman! One hundred eighty for a — forgery?
NORT
No — one hundred eighty grand for the original Degas. We’ll give you the copy for free, to replace it. You’ll have quality time with the real McKoy.
LIONEL
I am a collector. I know the value —
MORT
Value schmalue — The stuff is hot, hotter than hell. As curator. they’re gonna tail your ass for a month, especially now that everyone’s in the know, prime suspect number one. If they “find” it — we’re sure you can figure out a wonderful explanation, or recreate and then solve the perfect crime — the heat’ll be off, at least long enough for you to lay it on someone who’ll be willing to pay even more for it — just to have it — just to have an original —
LIONEL
One hundred and fifty thousand.
MORT
One hundred seventy-five.
WILLARD
One hundred seventy —
LIONEL
One hundred sixty-five thousand, last offer.
MORT and WILLARD
Done deal.
LIONEL
When can you get me the painting?
MORT
When can you get us the money?
LIONEL
Immediately.
MORT and WILLARD look at each other.
WILLARD
Have the cash for us by tonight. We’ll have both paintings, the real one, and the Mickey Mouse one.
LIONEL
Deal. Tonight. When? Where?
MORT
Six. Just before sundown.
WILLARD
At my place, the dry cleaners.
LIONEL
Six o’clock. At your cleaning store. Done deal.
MORT
Done.
WILLARD
Deal.
LIONEL escorts MORT and WILLARD out of the room.
INT — GALLERY, MAIN FLOOR:
MORT and WILLARD walk close together, whispering to each other:
MORT
We have got to find that original painting.
WILLARD
We have got to find that painting.
LIONEL
Excuse me, gentlemen? Did you two say something?
MORT
No, nothing.
WILLARD
No, nothing.
MORT
(to WILLARD)
I give you one-for-two odds on this…
MORT and WILLARD walk by art work, before which stands MICKEY1, dressed in black, sunglasses, carrying briefcase.
MORT and WILLARD exit,
LOLA enters from opposite direction, dressed identically to MICKEYl.
LOLA stops, stands next to MICKEYl, stares at a painting.
LOLA
(to painting)
Degas was a family man, even though he himself never married or had any children. A vast number of his paintings use his family members as models — he was devoted to them to the last.
MICKEYl
(to another painting)
Good trust fund.
LOLA
(pointing to another painting)
For a while — but some of his best work comes from the time later in life when he really struggled.
MICKEYl
Did he sell out?
LOLA
(turning to MICKEY1)
I don’t know — at that time of crisis, he started painting for others, not only for himself. Some would say that is more a sign of maturation, artistic growth.
MICKEYl
Is that good or bad?
LOLA
Who knows? That’s just life.
MICKEYl
Then why do I feel so dead?
LOLA
Have you sold out?
MICKEYl
I’ve had nothing to sell, Lola.
LOLA
Then why did you come here? To appreciate?
MICKEYl
No, just to take back what was never mine in the first place. I knew that I had seen you before, when we ran into each other here the other night, and then I knew for sure at the Police Station.
LOLA
Yes. I was there when you met your redheaded murderess at my Opening last week.
MICKEYl
Good show. I especially enjoyed the boxer abstracts.
LOLA
You like them? They were my way of returning what seemed to never go away.
LOLA turns and leads MICKEYl into back storage area.
INT — GALLERY’ INNER STORAGE AREA:
MICKEYl follows LOLA back amid crates, door closing behind them.
LOLA and MICKEYl sit on a larger crate.
MICKEYl opens briefcase, and removes many pages of cartoon doodles.
Close up, doodles.
MICKEYl
You had the painting, the original, all along?
LOLA
Since your boxing brother showed me your copy.
MICKEYl
That’s not my copy — and he’s not my brother —
LOLA
You don’t box?
MICKEYl
No.
LOLA
Well, I don’t paint, really, either. The world of people is like the world of art, Mickey — ten thousand fakes for one real thing. And even if you are for real, who notices? Who cares, for that matter? We have our classics, if only to give us some standard, some basis of comparison. Who could know what my boxer Mickey would do once he got a hold of such a piece? I couldn’t let that happen. I live in a world that’s for the most part a lie: to have corruption enter the small part that is truly magical would have killed me. Better to have the place in an uproar, than to know that what was hanging was as false as most of its admirers.
MICKEYl holds LOLA’S hand.
LOLA stares at cartoon doodles.
MICKEYl
Can you save me?
LOLA
You’re going to have to do that for yourself.
MICKEYl
That’s what they told me in art school.
LOLA
Did you listen to them?
MICKEYl
Apparently not.
LOLA
Then there’s still some hope. Can you help me?
MICKEYl
How could I possibly help you?
LOLA
Could you love me?
MICKEYl
I, uh, I don’t really know.
LOLA
(handing MICKEY1 a rolled canvas)
Then at least take this for me…
MICKEY l takes canvas, but allows it to drop.
MICKEYl embraces LOLA, and they start to kiss passionately.
EXT — GRAVEYARD, hour later:
Slow dolly up to LILY, holding bouquet of freshly cut roses, standing next to freshly dug grave.
Close up:
Mickey (“Mighty”) Moskavitz
R.I.P.
I got 7-to-4 on me coming back to ghost you.
VOICE OF MICKEY2
Praying for the enemy?
Hand touches LILY’s shoulder.
LILY turns around.
LILY
Beats sleeping with him.
MICKEY2
Did you fuck Beauregard?
LILY
Did you burn him?
MICKEY2
He burned himself.
LILY
Then go and fuck yourself.
MICKEY2
Pretty harsh.
LILY
Harsh words for a harsh —
MICKEY2
— Where’s the damn painting? Tell me,
LILY
(turns to grave, sniffs roses)
I don’t know.
MICKEY2
(pulls LILY back around)
Why wasn’t it in the Gallery that night?
LILY
Ask your girlfriend.
MICKEY2
Which one?
LILY slaps MICKEY2 across face.
MICKEY2
(recoiling. grimacing)
We’re in a Holy Place, Sweetheart.
LILY
Then get the hell out.
LILY faces grave, sniffs roses.
MICKEY2 walks around, kneels behind gravestone, hangs head, arms over top of stone, Kilroy-Wuz-Here style.
MICKEY2
You just kill me sometimes.
LILY
Join the club.
MICKEY2
Where’s the damn painting?
LILY
I told you — I don’t know.
MICKEY2
Does the little twirp know?
LILY
Ask him.
MICKEY2
Can I ask him about you, too?
LILY
Go ahead.
MICKEY2
You like him?
LILY
Oh, yeah, sure — He’s easy, unlike someone I know. When I’m with him, I don’t have to worry about calling out the wrong name —
MICKEY2 jerks himself up and off gravestone, lunges for LILY.
LILY swipes roses at MICKEY2, scratching him badly with thorns.
MICKEY2
Aaaaaaaah!
LILY
Hands of a thief —
MICKEY2
— Hands of an artist.
Close up some of MICKEY2’s blood, splattered on gravestone.
LILY
I’ll give you 7-to-4, not.
INT — LOLA’S APARTMENT, hour later:
MICKEY2 ransacks place, pulling out drawers, moving furniture, searching through papers, canvasses, knocking down easels.
VOICE OF LOLA
Looking for something, Mickey?
MICKEY2 notices LOLA in corner, posing for painting.
MICKEY2
How did you know I’d come here?
LOLA
What makes you think the painting’s here?
MICKEY2
Answering a question with another question?
LOLA
Only when the answers are all-too obvious.
MICKEY2
Where did you put it?
LOLA
I haven’t answered your first question yet.
MICKEY2
Don’t bother, just answer the second one.
LOLA
Why should I tell you?
MICKEY2
Another question?
LOLA
Makes you think that you won’t get any answers, doesn’t it? Makes you think that —
MICKEY2 takes out his .38, points at LOLA.
LOLA
Oh ho ho! A born romantic, as usual.
MICKEY2
Maybe you should date that little twirp with the knack for fine art. He’s got my same fucking name, the postman won’t even notice the difference.
LOLA
Either shoot me, or get the hell out of here — either way, you won’t get the painting.
MICKEY2 opens fire, shooting two rounds.
Two rounds hit LOLA, she collapses backward, against canvas, propped flush with wall.
LOLA gapes, dumbfounded at MICKEY2, falls, loses consciousness. Her blood has splashed, smearing the canvas, and forms strange abstract.
MICKEY2 walks to LOLA, leans down next to her, stares at her.
Close up, their profiles.
LOLA’s eyes open suddenly.
LOLA
(dreamily)
I felt your breath —
MICKEY2
Breath of life-
LOLA
Voice of death.
MICKEY2
(leaning even closer)
Give me the painting. What difference does it make to you now?
LOLA
That’s just it — no difference, no difference at all.
MICKEY2
I’m running out of time.
LOLA
Clearly, so am I…
MICKEY2
Give me the painting. I want that painting.
LOLA
I already gave it to you.
MICKEY2
Where is it?
LOLA
I told you, Mickey Moskavitz, I already gave it to you…
LOLA’s eyes close, head falls to side.
MICKEY2 stands up, walks away from her.
Dolly in to bloody canvas.
INT — LILY’S BEDROOM, hour later:
LILY lies in bed, torn greeting cards all around.
Rapping on broken glass.
Thin, tall FIGURE dressed in black stands outside her window.
LILY
Mickey Moskavitz?
VOICE OF MICKEY1
Take your pick.
LILY opens window, MICKEYl enters, holding rolled canvas.
LILY
(gesturing to canvas)
Is that the right one?
MICKEYl
Take your pick.
LILY
I want you.
MICKEYl
(unrolling canvas)
Looks just like mine.
LILY
I like you better.
MICKEYl
How do you know?
LILY
When you’ve had the real thing, and it’s still not enough.
MICKEYl
I think your mother’s spoiled you.
LILY
She’s baking now.
MICKEYl and LILY laugh nervously, excitedly, then tumble onto bed, begin to hug and kiss.
Close up, canvas, next to bed.
INT — MINNIE’S BEDROOM, same time:
Close up empty bottle of pills, lying next to bed.
MINNIE lies in bed, ripped family photos spread out over floor, scattered on bed itself. She drops photo she is holding, begins to slowly shake.
Series of cross cuts between LILY’s BEDROOM and MINNIE’S BEDROOM:
Close up MICKEYl and LILY kissing.
Medium shot of MINNIE, shakes intensifying.
Close ups get closer of LILY’s body, her arms, her hips, her neck, her cheeks: undressing.
MINNIE’s writhing features, getting progressively further from camera.
Both scenes intensify: LILY and MICKEYl making love, MINNIE slowly dying.
MICKEYl and LILY writhe, collapse against each other.
MINNIE shakes frighteningly, jerks suddenly, head falling to side, eyes open, staring sightlessly ahead.
INT — LILY’S BEDROOM:
. .
LILY staring lovingly at MICKEY1.
Sounds of crying baby.
LILY jerks herself away from MICKEVl, grabs nightgown, stands.
LILY
Adolf!
MICKEYl
Who?
LILY
Adolf! I have to go down and feed Adolf!
INT — LANGER LIVING ROOM:
Close up of UGLY BABY, crying hideously, thrashing inside crib.
Two hands reach down, lift UGLY BABY up and out of crib.
LILY
(patting UGLY BABY)
There there… there there…
MICKEYl
He sounds like he looks.
LILY
(reaching for baby bottle)
There there… there there…
LILY takes baby bottle, starts to feed UGLY BABY.
Crying stops.
MICKEYl
Much better.
LILY
He’s very happy now.
MICKEYl
Are we?
LILY
(rocking UGLY BABY)
Oh yes.
MICKEYl
Should we take the painting to the cops, then?
UGLY BABY burps.
LILY
Oh no.
MICKEYl
Why not? We’ve got it, and they want it — let’s get this mess over with.
LILY
(still rocking)
Yeah? And what about my old boss, Willie?
MICKEYl
We could tell the cops! Tell them everything!
LILY
(looking at MICKEY1)
Everything?
MICKEYl
Well, enough to clear us, protect us.
LILY
Protect us? Cops’ve been bought all along.
Close up, UGLY BABY, grinning mercilessly.
MICKEYl
Okay. What should we do?
LILY
(rocking)
I have a plan.
MICKEYl
Do you love me?
LILY leaves baby bottle with UGLY BABY, reaches free hand over, starts to pat MICKEYl on back.
LILY
(to MICKEY1)
There there… there there…
EXT — STREET OUTSIDE JEWELRY STORE, hour later:
WORKMEN, dressed in coveralls, painter’s caps, boarding up plate glass window, others sweeping up sidewalk.
LILY and MICKEYl approach, wearing sunglasses, dressed in black, holding the painting.
MICKEYl
You really think this guy will buy it from us? Give us the dough to ditch town together?
LILY
Your name-twin used to hock stuff all the time here.
MICKEYl
But isn’t he connected up with our other friends?
LILY
Enough to be able to sell it, hopefully not enough that he would rat on us.
WORKMANl
(Slavic accent)
Sorry about the inconvenience, folks.
WORKMAN2
(Irish accent)
Robbery attempt, you know.
WORKMAN3
(Italian accent)
Very serious, don’t cut yourselves.
WORKMAN4
(Psychotic accent)
…Bodily lascerations, the amputation of entire limbs, the horrible mangling of human flesh due to various acts of unspeakable violence, are all atrocities that I witness each and every day on the job, so much so that I hardly even notice them anymore…
WORKMAN5
(English accent)
Glass is, chemically speaking, a liquid — evinced by the fact that the stained glass windows of medieval churches are thicker at the bottom than they are at the top.
WORKMAN2
Are you sure of that, Mate? I think that’s been disproven…
LILY
Run, Mickey! Run!
As MICKEYl bolts with roll, WORKMEN run after him.
THE CHASE:
WORKMEN
(SCRIBOWSKI, O’McMICKSON,
SCATALONI, DUNT, AND JENKINSON)
Hold it right there, Moskavitz1 Or we’ll shoot!
UP MAIN STREET:
MICKEYl runs up and into late afternoon rush hour crowd.
He holds rolled painting above him to protect it, but canvas roll is knocked out of his hands, falls into piano, which, perchance, happens to be lifted into second floor loft.
MICKEYl scrambles through crowd, into vestibule of apartment building, through door, past several MOVERS, runs frantically up stairs.
Passing him on way down is another MOVER, carrying half-open box, out of which protrudes rolled canvas.
MICKEYl does double-take, runs after MOVER.
MOVER puts box onto flatbed truck, truck takes off down road.
MICKEYl scrambles onto truck at last minute. Truck swerves violently, box with rolled canvas falls off.
MICKEYl watches it tumble onto roadside, sees canvas fling out, bounce down steps into basement area.
MICKEYl leaps off, runs toward basement area, an entrance for a lower level tavern.
MICKEYl runs down steps, searches for roll.
COOK, rotund, red faced, Latin, carrying large bag of trash, runs into MICKEYl.
MICKEYl
See a painting?
COOK
(KOOKIE’s second job)
Seen lots, amigo.
MICKEYl
No, I mean, see one, rolled up, just now, here?
COOK
Seen you too, somewhere, I think.
MICKEYl
Painting? Painting?
COOK
You can ask inside — why are gringos so goofy? Drink too much.
MICKEYl dashes inside TAVERN
MICKEYl
(yelling back)
Drink too much.
INT — TAVERN
Dark, smoky, MICKEYl goes up to BARTENDER.
MICKEYl sits at bar.
MICKEYl
Excuse me, but —
BARTENDER
What would you like?
MICKEYl
I don’t want to drink, I was just —
BARTENDER
If you don’t want to drink, then why are you here?
MICKEYl
I, uh — Alright, whaddaya got?
BARTENDER
Whaddaya mean?
MICKEYl
Okay, uh — give me a, uh-give me a coke.
BARTENDER
The real thing, huh?
MICKEYl
Yeah, and while you’re at it, I’m looking for this —
VOICE FROM DARK CORNER
Mickey? Mickey Moskavitz?
MICKEYl looks and sees four men sitting at far corner table.
VOICE FROM DARK CORNER2
Mickey? Yes! It’s Mickey Moskovitz, boys!
VOICE FROM DARK CORNER3
Mickey! Come and sit with us, Mickey!
VOICE FROM DARK CORNER4
Do! Please do!
MICKEYl turns to BARTENDER, takes soda, starts to speak, when he is grabbed and dragged to corner.
MICKEYl finds himself seated around table with four bearded men, wearing argyle, tweed, and smoking pipes.
MICKEYl
What a, uh, pleasant surprise…
SOCIOLOGY PROFESSOR
Loveless, Mickey?
BIOLOGY PROFESSOR
Starving?
FINANCE PROFESSOR
Broke?
ART HISTORY PROFESSOR
Unrealized? Frustrated?
MICKEYl
It hasn’t been all that long since graduation, guys.
SOCIOLOGY PROFESSOR
Should have stuck with that wonderful girl, what was her name? Linda.
BIOLOGY PROFESSOR
Should have taken better care of yourself, Mickey.
FINANCE PROFESSOR
Should have been conscious of the financial responsibilities, Mickey, the numbers.
ART HISTORY PROFESSOR
Should have given it your all, should have taken things more seriously, when you had the chance…
MICKEYl
Thanks for your counsel, gentlemen, but I’m here —
MICKEYl notices KOOKIE carrying another load outside, this one with rolled canvas sticking out of top.
MICKEYl
— but excuse me for a second, sirs. For a second I thought about grad school, but I think, regrettably, that I have changed my mind —
MICKEY1 runs after KOOKIE…
EXT — STREET IN FRONT OF TAVERN
MICKEY1 runs onto street, only to see garbage truck pull away from a now emptied dumpster, rolled piece of canvas sticking out.
MICKEYl runs after truck, catches up to it, reaches for canvas — succeeds in grabbing it, but his momentum throws off his balance, he falls.
Painting tumbles out of his hands, rolls across sidewalk, is scooped up by THE KID, who zips by on skateboard.
MICKEYl
Hey!
THE KID
Hey, what?
MICKEYl
(running after him)
Let’s talk about old times.
THE KIO
What old times?
MICKEYl
You’re right — just give me the pointing.
THE KID
No.
MICKEYl
Anything I can do or say to make you give it to me?
THE KID
No.
MICKEYl
Pretty definitive, huh?
THE KID
That is corr —
THE KID, looking back at MICKEYl, doesn’t notice curb, strikes it with board, board and THE KID cartwheeling onto sidewalk, headlong into afternoon crowd.
Painting goes flying into flower stand, straight into bouquet of roses.
MICKEYl runs to stand, reaches for bouquet.
FLORIST
Hey! Twenty bucks!
MICKEYl
All I want is —
FLORIST removes single rose.
FLORIST
Two bucks a pop!
MICKEYl
No, I would like —
FLORIST
Twenty bucks a bouquet!
MICKEYl searches through wallet, when MENDEL MENDELSOHN shows up, dressed immaculately, carrying bottle of Manischewitz wine, handing FLORIST a twenty.
MENDELSOHN
I’ll take that bouquet, please.
FLORIST
(taking money)
Certainly, sir.
FLORIST hands MENDELSOHN bouquet with painting tucked inside.
MENDELSOHN
I am going to the Ramada, you know.
FLORIST
Say a wonderful “hello” to your friend, sir!
MICKEYl looks up, runs after MENDELSOHN.
MICKEYl
Uh, sir, hello, hey —
MENDELSOHN
I don’t have any time, young man. I am late for my date already.
MICKEYl
Here, uh, let me buy those roses from you —
MENDELSOHN
I’m very late, very very late. She is waiting for me…
MICKEYl
If not the roses, then how about that canvas roll that happens to be —
FELIX, with gun, walks out of alley, stands in front of MENDELSOHN.
FELIX
Okay, you weasel of corporate finance: you got away from me before, so I’ve come back to finish the job.
MENDELSOHN
You should spare me, out of gratitude for dropping the murder charges.
FELIX
But there was no crime.
MENDELSOHN
It’s the thought that counts.
MENDELSOHN tosses bottle of wine at FELIX, who ducks to one side, bottle smashes against sidewalk, red wine splashing in torrents across concrete.
FELIX distracted, MENDELSOHN drops bouquet, runs across street.
MENDELSOHN signals for taxi, and jumps inside.
MICKEYl runs to bouquet. removes canvas roll.
Greedily he begins to open it, as FELIX cries out:
FELIX
Mickey! Above you! Watch out!
Rope from winch lifting a piano snaps. and piano plummets —
MICKEY 1 leaps out of way as piano strikes pavement over red wine mess.
Great crashing, upheaval, sirens blaring.
MICKEYl stunned, rapidly returns to study painting.
Close up: rock ’n’ roll Van Halen poster.
MICKEYl, eyes wide, face flustered.
Paddy wagon with flaring sirens screeches onto sidewalk, SCRIBOWSKI, SCATALONI, O’McMICKSON, and DUNT, JENKINSON leap out.
MICKEYl darts to edge of alley, peers out at following:
SCRIBOWSKI
What’s this? What happened?-
FELIX
Remember Mendelsohn?
SCRIBOWSKI
(shaking his head slowly)
Ooooooh. Right. Terrible accident, eh?
FELIX
Look and learn, Scribs, look and learn.
SCATALONI
(pointing to canvas roll in debris)
What’s this? What’s that?
O’McMICKSON pokes through splintered wood, bent steel, broken ivory, pulls out intact rolled canvas.
JENKINSON grabs canvas, unrolls it.
Close up of Degas’ “Two Dancers On Stage”.
JENKINSON
(measuring canvas with tape)
Sixty-two by forty-six centimeters, ah. There comes a time in every man’s life when —
O’McMICKSON
Is that it? Is that the beauty?
FELIX
Mendelsohn must have had it on him, poor guy.
DUNT
I am reminded of my own mortality every time I —
Ambulance screeches to hault.
DRIVER and PARAMEDIC leap out.
DRIVER
(pointing to stains)
Where’s the stiff? I don’t see any stiff.
PARAMEDIC
Not that again. Piano looks like it’s in rough shape, though.
DRIVER
Pianos don’t bleed, do they?
PARAMEDIC
I don’t know — should we take her in?
Piano wire snaps suddenly: “twang!”
MICKEYl peers at scene, as a hand taps shoulder, and he jumps.
VOICE OF LILY
Get the painting back?
MICKEYl turns, shows her rock poster.
LILY
Fine rendition.
MICKEYl
Do you want to kill me now? Do you still love me?
LILY
Can you support me yet?
MICKEYl
No.
LILY
Call me in a couple years. We’ll talk about it then. We might have a long, long time —
Roll is grabbed out of MICKEYl ‘s hand.
MICKEYl looks up to see THE KID ride off with it on skateboard.
LILY
Really?
MICKEY1
Really, really.
INT — MORT’S CLOTHING STORE, SALES FLOOR, hour later:
MICKEYl, back to folding underwear.
He continues for several moments, until he sees attractive WOMAN, back turned to him, browsing in far corner.
Large hand taps his shoulder.
VOICE OF UNCLE MORT
Not on my time!
MICKEYl turns to face UNCLE MORT.
UNCLE MORT
Not on my time, you hear me?
MICKEYl
I gotcha Boss, sure.
UNCLE MORT puts arm around MICKEY 1, escorts him behind register.
UNCLE MORT
(squeezing MICKEY1 tightly)
I have a job for you finally, little Mickey.
MICKEYl
(gasping. gesturing to WOMAN)
You want me to ring her up?
UNCLE MORT
Are you deaf, mutant, mesmerized? Not on my time!
MICKEYl
Right. Anything you say, Boss.
UNCLE MORT
Listen. Mickey — I want you to go with Felix on a job.
MICKEYl
(animated)
Numbers? Ponies? Dogs? Keno?
UNCLE MORT
Something like that. I want you to go with Felix tonight, over to Willie’s Laundry place. I want you to listen to everything that Felix tells you about this job, you understand me? Do you hear me?
MICKEYl
You got it, Boss. Anything. Everything. Overtime!
UNCLE MORT releases MICKEYl.
UNCLE MORT
Shut upl (Pause) Good! (Pause) And Mi-ckey…
MICKEYl
Yes. Chief?
UNCLE MORT
Don’t fuck it up, or you’ll be folding for a long, long time.
MICKEYl
Long time?
UNCLE MORT
Long time.
UNCLE MORT leaves MICKEYl at register. just as WOMAN appears, carrying ties. MICKEYl stares at register. then takes ties.
MICKEYl
Lulu!
LULU
(hands on hips)
So you finally get a job, you get a job and what does that mean does that mean that you’re back for good that you are here to stay that now you’ll find some other girl to leave but aren’t you staying?
FELIX runs up to register area, hat in hand.
FELIX
Yo, Mosko junior! Let’s go, let’s rip, let’s fly —
LULU
— But if you stay then you won’t be leaving and if you won’t be leaving then you might —
MICKEYl
Excuse me, Babe (to FELIX) let’s scram.
MICKEYl reaches below register, grabs his plaid jacket, bill.
MICKEYl
Here, Lulu (puffing paper on counter next to ties)Y ou were right — I got the wrong bill.
Close up restaurant check with LILY’s phone number on it.
LULU runs after MICKEY1, who runs to catch up with FELIX.
FELIX
(yelling back to MICKEY1)
College love?
MICKEYl
Before college.
FELIX
Learn something in college?
MICKEYl
I’m running, aren’t I?
FELIX
Smart man.
INT — WILLIE’S LAUNDROMAT, DRY CLEANERS, early evening:
Track along row of laundry machines. round glass doors all closed, their innards idle.
Track continues. past last machine. through door leading to small room in back of store.
WILLARD WILSON and WILLARD Jr, younger, more muscular version of former, sit playing cards amid vast mounds of dirty laundry.
WILLIE Jr.
I don’t care about no painting, but what’s this about Mighty Moskavitz back in town?
WILLARD
(slapping cards down)
How many times have I told you? Leave that be! I sent him up the river for four years, wasn’t that good enough for you, son? Leave it be.
WILLIE Jr.
He knocked out my career, pops — he wasted me in that ring, after I was already done, after I was —
WILLARD
I said enough, boy! Didn’t you hear me? Enough! (checks his watch) Focus, that art guy is going to be here in an hour, and I say we convert the son of a bitch, you got that? Concentrate…
EXT — STREET IN FRONT OF CLEANING SHOP:
FELIX and MICKEYl sit in MORT’S white Cadillac, parked at curb.
FELIX in driver’s seat, chain smoking.
MICKEYl sits next to him, coughing, spying with small binoculars.
MICKEYl
I finally get a real job from Uncle Mortie, and I end up smoked out and fucked up.
FELIX
(rubbing his hands along dash)
Isn’t this a most awesome automobile? I mean I’ve seen the lard ass haul this beast from zippo-to-fifty up Middleberg Ave faster than two jackrabbits loving across the blue grass hills of Kentucky, wooh!
MICKEYl
(distractedly, coughing)
We’ve been here for two hours, and no Victim.
FELIX
Don’t worry, ace. If Mortie says he’ll show, he’ll show.
MICKEYl
I’m a little bit freaked out, though. I don’t get the Willie connection.
FELIX
(leaning back heavily)
Don’t you worry about that, ace. Hey! I love this kinda job — robbery, murder, all at your own pace.
MICKEYl takes binoculars away from his eyes, looks over at FELIX.
MICKEYl
Yeah, kick back, like the Mendelsohn job, huh?
FELIX
Are you trying to move in on me, kid? Don’t even mention that action!
MICKEYl
Alright, I won’t mention it.
FELIX
Thank you. (Pause) I got enough flack for that, and I covered myself pretty well, I would say, so I don’t —
MICKEYl
(pointing out window)
Look!
Point of view through smoky car windshield of LIONEL dressed in long trench and fedora, carrying briefcase (MICKEYl ‘s), walking.
FELIX starts car, pulls out from curb — does quick three point, drives close to curb, slowly, alongside LIONEL.
MICKEYl sticks head out:
MICKEYl
Uh. excuse us, sir.
LIONEL
Fuck off.
MICKEYl
“Two Dancers On Stage”.
LIONEL
Nice painting.
MICKEYl
Valuable painting.
LIONEL
Then go buy it.
MICKEYl
Can’t if you beat us to it.
LIONEL stops , looks at MICKEYl for first time.
LIONEL
Leave me alone, or I will call a policeman.
MICKEYl
They don’t sell art, they peddle pain.
LIONEL
Want some for free?
MICKEYl ducks down, FELIX pulls out revolver, pointing.
FELIX
Get into the car, with the cash, or you’re meat.
LIONEL bolts toward Cleaners.
FELIX hits gas.
Track LIONEL running with briefcase, past alley, tripped by an outstretched foot.
LIONEL tumbles, dropping briefcase.
MICKEY2 dashes out of alley, grabs briefcase.
Track MICKEY2 runs through alley.
White cadillac enters, rapidly gaining on him.
MICKEY2 runs to end of alley, way out to the right blocked by a dumpster full of dirty laundry, left by speeding taxi.
MICKEY2 looks frantically about, then up, sees fire escape.
MICKEY2 throws briefcase onto first level, pulls himself up.
White cadillac screeches to hault below.
MICKEY2 looks down, sees them following, enters building hurriedly.
LULU leaps out of taxi as FELIX and MICKEYl pile out of cadillac.
FELIX
Was she worth it?
MICKEYl
Would anything be worth this?
FELIX and MICKEYl jump for fire escape, LULU following.
INT— UPPER FLOOR OF CLEANING BUILDING, WILLARD’S BOOKIE OFFICES:
MICKEY2 dashes inside, is tripped, drops briefcase.
Room full of desks, chairs, telephones, several BOOKIE’s, taking calls.
Point of view: WILLIE Jr., boxing gloves, shorts, poised in fighting stance, looming menacingly above.
WILLIE Jr. dances about, BOOKIE’s staring at spectacle, all dressed in vests, visors, glasses, pencils in ears, hair greased back.
MICKEY2
Little Willie! No shit. Been a while.
WIWE Jr.
Get up, Moskavitz. We’ re gonna play it out, fair and square — unlike the last time.
BOOKIEl
(Slavic accent)
I got you even money on Lil Wil’!
BOOKIE2
(Irish accent)
No bones, you commie dildo, I got 7-to-4 on the Return of Mighty McMoskavitz!
BOOKIE3
(Italian accent)
Stop busting my balls, you four-leaf fuck up — Willie’s Boy! Willie’s Boy!
BOOKIE4
(Psychotic accent)
…Public sporting events are particularly dangerous for me. Ravenous fans all about, insane spectators unable to distinguish between the world in the ring and their own neighborhoods, they go home and pillage, rape, and randomly decimate vast areas of the urban landscape…
BOOKIES
(English accent)
Many have wondered as to why Degas painted dancers, in various engaging poses. some say that, exactly as artists of his day attempted to capture the changes in natural light over time, so too was Degas fascinated by arrested physical movement.
MICKEY2 shrugs, pulls out his revolver, pointing it at WILLIE Jr.
MICKEY2
Sorry, chief, gotta go. Maybe some other time, hey.
MICKEY2 stands up, grabs briefcase, about to exit.
BOOKIES, in turn, pull out their own revolvers:
BOOKIES
(SCRIBOWSKI, O’McMICKSON, SCATALONL DUNT and JENKINSON)
You are under arrest, Moskovitz! Stop or we’ll shoot!
MICKEY2
Nawwwwwwww — Not you guys. anything but you guys again.
FELIX dashes through doorway and into room.
FELIX
(pointing revolver at MICKEY2)
No, stay Big Mick. Stay and fight. work stuff out.
MICKEYl enters shortly after FELIX.
MICKEY2
You again!
MICKEYl
No, me — give the guy the case, Ace.
BOOKIES
Both Micks, down on the ground!
LULU rushes through door, sees MICKEY1 and is about to speak, until noticing all folks holding guns at the ready —
LULU
(screaming)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Folks distracted for moment, MICKEY2 leaps, bolts out of —
INT — HALLWAY IN CLEANING BUILDING:
But is tripped by another foot.
MICKEY2 drops revolver, briefcase.
Point of view: this time WILLARD, Sr. looming above MICKEY2.
WILLARD
(pointing revolver at MICKEY2)
Hold it right there, Son.
WILLARD walks over to briefcase, takes it.
WILLARD
My boy might still be a child, but you have a terrible sense of balance.
MICKEY2
I’ll get it checked out soon as I can.
WILLARD kicks MICKEY2 in his face.
WILLARD
Have your face looked at while you’re at it.
MICKEY2
For your kid?
WILLARD
No, for working for the Fat Tailor.
MICKEY2
Recession, you know.
WILLARD
There’s always plenty dirty laundry.
WiLLARD kicks MICKEY2 again, scrambles away with briefcase.
INT — STAIRWELL IN CLEANING BUILDING:
MICKEYl slowly climbing steps, until under “EXIT” sign, approaches it and promptly falls, tripped by leg jutting out from a doorway.
MICKEYl
Woh!
MICKEY2 rushes over to MICKEY1 and braces his body to ground.
MICKEY2
(with bloody face)
Alright, little punk — where’s the painting? where’s the money? where’s Lilly?
MICKEYl
The painting and the dough I can understand — but I thought you were over her by now?
MICKEY2
What, you into her?
MICKEYl
Not since this morning.
MICKEY2 squeezes MICKEYl‘s neck, and MICKEYl starts to choke.
MICKEYl
(Gasping)
Cut it out, and I’ll clue you in.
MICKEY2 lessens his grip.
MICKEYl
Much better — Listen: the gigs up. Willie’s got the painting, and now, I figure, he even has the money.
MICKEY2
What does that leave us?
MICKEYl
Each other, I guess.
MICKEY2 chokes MICKEYl harder.
MICKEYl
(Gasping)
Stop it! Listen, things aren’t always as they first appear.
MICKEY2
What? You aren’t being choked?
MICKEYl
(Gasping louder)
Yeah, I’m pretty sure of that one, but the painting, I think I know something about that painting — the “fake” that you stole from our basement — (gasp) — what I’m saying — (gasp) — is that it might be the original.
MICKEY2
(releasing slightly)
What are you talking about?
MICKEYl
My mother, she got it, she got it under strange circumstances.
MICKEY2
So, you’re saying the fake is real, and the real one, hanging in museums for forty years, is a fake?
MICKEYl
What you see isn’t always what you get.
MICKEY2
Yeah? And what do I got here?
MICKEYl
Why do you hate me so much?
MICKEY2
All my life, I’ve been running, running away, pushing people away from me. I could have had things easy, but instead, I always felt that I wasn’t good enough, that I had to prove myself, that I had to do things the hard way or no way at all. I look at you, you little weasel, and see someone who can’t get enough of life.
MICKEYl
What? You think I’ve been having it easy?
MICKEY2
Not necessarily, but you’re starting life, and I seem to be finishing it.
MICKEY l
You can always change, you can always stop running away.
MICKEY2
Just like you say, Mickey Moskavitz, things aren’t always as they seem — one painting is real, and the other a fake. You might have trouble at first telling them apart, but when it comes right down to it. the real one’s real, the fake one’s a fake, and there’s nothing anyone can do about that. We can only fool ourselves for so long, until people realize they’ve been had, until you realize that you’ve been taking yourself for a ride —
Sound of door swung open, many feet running up stairs.
MICKEY2 releases MICKEYl. takes out gun, presses himself against wall.
MICKEY2
Come and get me. you bastards!
MICKEY2 fires several shots down stairwell.
MICKEYl gets up, starts to run up stairs.
MICKEY2 follows.
Shots fired, MICKEY2 kicks open door. both run.
SCRIBOWSKI. SCATALONI. O’McMICKSON. and DUNT bust out of door. open fire down hallway.
MICKEYl leaps into room to left.
MICKEY2. standing next to fire extinguisher, shoots back.
Stray bullet strikes fire extinguisher, foam sprays all over MICKEY2.
MICKEY2 plummets backwards. blinded, falling into room to right.
INT — RIGHT ROOM:
MICKEY2 frantically disrobes. foam stinging him horribly.
Sound of many feet running up hallway.
MICKEY2 fires several shots at closed door. then climbs. stark naked. out window.
INT — LEFT ROOM:
MICKEYl hides in other room. waiting.
INT — RIGHT ROOM:
OFFICERS bust open door.
EXT — LEDGE OUTSIDE RIGHT ROOM:
MICKEY2. naked but for revolver. creeps on ledge.
O’McMICKSON peers out window.
MICKEY2 fires at him. kick back of gun causes MICKEY2 to lose balance, fall backward into LILY’s arms.
MICKEY2
Lily!
LILY
When you least expect it. expect it.
MICKEY2
You saved me.
LILY
Don’t be so sure.
MICKEY2
I’ve always had trouble letting go.
LILY
That’s why I’m now gonna push —
LILY pushes MICKEY2 off of ledge.
Pan of MICKEY2 tumbling naked down several stories.
INT — LEFT ROOM:
MICKEYl, making sure coast is clear, sneaks out of other room…
EXT — ROOFTOP OF CLEANING:
MORT, WILLARD sit on folding chairs, briefcase rests on card table.
UNCLE MORT
You open it.
WILLARD
No, you open it.
UNCLE MORT
I’m not going to open it.
WILLARD
Then it won’t get opened.
UNCLE MORT
Could be lots of money, you know.
WILLARD
Could be a bomb, you know.
UNCLE MORT
Yes, I know.
WILLARD
Yes, so do I.
UNCLE MORT
Let’s get a Mickey to open it.
WILLARD
Your Mickey, or my Mickey?
UNCLE MORT
At this point, does it even matter?
WILLARD
Either gets blown up, then there’s always another.
Door swings open, MICKEYl scrambles onto roof.
MICKEYl stops upon seeing MORT and WILLARD together.
MICKEYl
Uncle Mortie!
UNCLE MORT
No, I’m the Baron Von Richtenhoven, you stupid gypsy
UNCLE MORT makes airplane noises, holding arms out like wings.
MICKEYl
So, you’ve been a part of this mess all along?
WILLARD
You’re just in time, little Moskavitz. We’ll let you have the honor of opening the briefcase —
MICKEY l
And the paintings?
WILLARD
Don’t worry about them, Mickey. The fake has now been delivered to our valiant police force, examined and its authenticity confirmed by a Mr. Jenkinson, our visiting Art Expert from London. The original, well, your Uncle Mortimer and I have been compelled to find a buyer, as the museum curator has been arrested for theft.
UNCLE MORT
Yes, a real shame. Lionel and my once trusted employee, Felix, conspiring from the very beginning, stealing and then hiding the painting — whom can you trust these days, eh?-
MICKEYl
What? You sold out Felix, too?
UNCLE MORT
Felix was never any good at finishing a job, so this job has finished him.
MICKEYl
You know something, old man? I spent lots of time avoiding people I thought were hurtful, who were strangers to me. But what I’m learning is that some of the most hurtful, strange people I have ever met are members of my own lousy family. I’m disgusted, and terribly ashamed.
UNCLE MORT
Open the case, schmuck.
MICKEYl, scowling. goes over to briefcase.
MICKEYl
Whatever. I’ve been your flunky this long, might as well…
MICKEYl opens briefcase.
Close up inside of briefcase: a stack of art paper, covered with cartoon doodles and sketches.
MICKEYl
Lola! Oh, Lola. I love you!
MORT and WILLARD rush out of chairs, sift through papers.
UNCLE MORT
You’re fired.
MICKEYl
Blockhead.
EXT — ALLEY BEHIND CLEANING BUILDING:
MICKEY2, lying naked within dumpster full of dirty laundry.
Point of view, looking up and out from dumpster through ensuing dialogues, as SCRIBOWSKI, SCATALONI, O’McMICKSON, and SERGEANT SNARK all gather around from all directions, pistols drawn.
SNARK
You are under arrest, Moskavitz.
SCATALONI
Back to jail with youse!
SCRIBOWSKI
You had it good up to now. Mighty Mick.
O’McMICKSON
Shouldn’t have come back, ‘Vitz.
MICKEY2
What are the charges. boyz?
ROXEANNE (a.k.a. LUCY) appears alongside the OFFICERS.
SNARK
Is that him, Ms.?
ROXEANNE
Yep, that’s him.
MICKEY2
What’s going on here?
SNARK
Charge is kidnapping, sexual assault, Moskavitz.
MICKEY2
Huh?
ROXEANNE
Taking advantage of a runaway — can you beat that?
MICKEY2
Willful consent! Willful consent!
OFFICER DUNT appears, standing alongside ROXEANNE.
DUNT
…Life is hard, they say, while I can add that life gets harder as you live through it. Sure. experiences change, but do people change? No. people never change — the toughness. the terror of everyday life never goes away, the pressures, the burden of living is always there, never lets you g …
HUGH JENKINSON appears, standing alongside DUNT.
HUGH JENKINSON
Autism is a congenital disorder, its symptoms including emotional indifference, the parroting of words. inability to make eye contact, compulsively habitual behavior, one-sided interactions, and an odd obsession with spinning objects.
SCRIBOWSKI reaches down and handcuffs MICKEY2.
LUCY stares at HUGH JENKINSON, giving him once-over. LUCY smiles seductively.
Close up HUGH JENKINSON, staring straight ahead.
Slow dolly in to corner of mouth, where slight smile forms.
LULU appears, stares blissfully at MICKEY2.
LULU
I’ve loved you all along. and I will wait for you. Be here for you when you finally return…
MICKEY2 lies on back, cuffed, face flattened against dirty laundry.
MICKEY2
Thanks for the memories. boys and girls…
DAY 10: EXT — BUS STATION, OUTSIDE BY BUSES, early morning:
Bus being loaded with passengers.
LILY. holding UGLY BABY in one hand, hugs MICKEYl, holding luggage.
MICKEYl holds out thumb for UGLY BABY, who promptly bites it.
MICKEYl
Aaaaaah!
UGLY BABY makes pleasant cooing noises.
LILY’S MOTHER stands in background, waving a handkerchief.
LILY
(genuinely moved)
Ohl I’m sorry about that! And I’m sorry about your mother, Mickey, and to see you leaving.
MICKEYl
Yeah, I am, too. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do, Lil.
MICKEY1 looks away, then turns and smiles at LILY.
MICKEY1
Besides, my good college buddy Eddie works at a hot business on the West Coast, might need some graphic design people. Maybe I can doodle for him.
LILY
Will you miss me?
MICKEYl
Sure. Will you miss me?
LILY
You’re the only one for me, Mickey Moskavitz.
MICKEYl
Why do I think that’s only half right?
LILY hands MICKEYl a box of cookies.
LILY
Think of me, passionately.
MICKEYl
How else?
Much commotion comes from bus, as dozen or so passengers rapidly disembark.
THE KID suddenly appears, along with DRIVER, both of them carrying OLD MAN from bus.
OLD MAN looks pale.
THE KID
Give him some air, give him some air!
MICKEYl
(to THE KID)
Let me guess — heart attack?
THE KID
Stroke, and I think this one’s for real. dude!
THE KID and DRIVER carry OLD MAN past MICKEYl and LILY.
MICKEYl reaches for THE KID’S backpack, snatches a rolled piece of paper from it.
MICKEY1 salutes LILY with rolled paper, climbs aboard bus.
LILY blows kiss, LILY’S MOTHER waves, UGLY BABY gives MICKEYl incredulous look.
Bus pulls out of station, heads off Into distance, as a childish, teasing voice over resonates through credits…
“Mi-ckey! Hey, Mickey Mos-ka-vffz! Where ya goin, Mickey?- Mi-ckey, Mi-ckey Mos-ka-vffz? Mickey! Where ya off to, Mi-ckey?”
— FIN —
