Part 4: Something’s Happening
An original screenplay
This is Part 4 of a five-part screenplay. If you haven’t read the first three parts, click here — otherwise continue reading below:
DAY 7: INT — LOLA’S APARTMENT, early afternoon:
MICKEY2 and LOLA in bed: walls, most other flat surfaces are a disaster area of spilled plaster, paint, easels and canvasses.
MICKEY2
(mumbling)
What time? Day’s night, night’s day for the dead.
LOLA
Sometime before sundown, far as I can tell. Breakfast of Champions, Champ?
MICKEY2
Raw eggs! Grits! Week-old pork chops!
LOLA moves close to him, hugging him, kissing his cheek.
LOLA
(seductively)
Harsh things for a harsh man?
MICKEY2
Soft things from a soft woman?
LOLA
(fading)
Raw eggs, grits, week-old pork chops…
Fade out…
Close up coffee brewing.
MICKEY2, now fully dressed, all in black again, repacking.
LOLA, sitting on bed, legs crossed, smoking.
LOLA
Why did you come back to me? Of all those women at your funeral?
MICKEY2
You came back to me, if I recall.
LOLA
You set me up, like you always did, Mickey. (Pause) Like you always did.
MICKEY2
I never did anything that you didn’t want me to do. You did everything that you always wanted to do.
LOLA
Yeah, you’re totally innocent, totally innocent.
MICKEY2
Only people who didn’t think so were the cops. They forgave me by letting me out finally, and you forgave me by letting me back in. All’s fair and square. Everything’s settled.
LOLA
Yeah? Then why you on the run again, Mickey?
MICKEY2
We’re on the run, Babe. We’re on the run.
LOLA
What are you talking about?
MICKEY2
You have to help me.
LOLA
Help you do what? Order room service?
MICKEY2
Help me get into the Gallery, into the Impressionist exhibit.
LOLA
Buy a ticket.
MICKEY2
I’m now a creature of the night, don’t you remember? Not during the day — I need to get in, get in back, get in to where they store the paintings, before the exhibit opens.
LOLA
Perhaps being dead has affected your brains, Mickey. You know, I really fell for you, fell for you for all the wrong reasons — you were the beast, and I was the beauty, ha ha, opposites attract, like that cliche goes — and like most cliches, so damn true. We were so, so different. All my artsy friends told me I was crazy to date you, they called you my “little criminal affair”. After the police threw you in jail finally, I kept our little place here, pretext that it would be my own little studio, sure, but I knew then, as I know now, that I kept it, half-waiting for you to come back.
LOLA picks up a canvas, an abstract painting, that looks like a boxer in the ring.
LOLA
You’re in my work, Mickey, I can’t get you out of my art, just like I can’t get you out of my life.
LOLA drops canvas, stares at him.
LOLA
What do you want, Mickey? What the hell do you really want from me?
Rummaging in bags, MICKEY2 pulls out rolled piece of canvas. He unfolds it, scrutinizes it, and places it on the floor in front of LOLA.
MICKEY2
Do you think your husband would be interested in something like this?
LOLA turns away, looks out dirty window.
LOLA
(slowly, to dirty window)
I’m a happily married woman.
MICKEY2
Yeah. That’s why you resort to fucking the dead.
LOLA
(furiously turning to him)
You never change, do you? All you do is take, turn around, take some more, and then expect everyone to hold their hands out for you, saying “go ahead, Mickey Moskovitz, go ahead and take! take! take as much as you can, hurt me, leave, and then come back, and hurt me, take, take some more!”
LOLA turns her head down, slumps over, starts to cry.
MICKEY2 comes over to bed, sits down next to her. He does not touch her.
MICKEY2 takes roll, holds it open in front of her.
MICKEY2
Real one’s by Degas. The Impressionist painter of some repute. Here’s an impressive impressionist forgery. You like it?
LOLA
(looks up, expression of wonderment)
I know this painting — I mean, I know of it. The work here is impressive. Hard to even tell the diff — Where did you get it?
MICKEY2 quickly pulls painting away, rolls it back up, drops it theatrically onto his lap.
LOLA reaches out for it. MICKEY2 grabs her hand, kisses her forcefully, presses himself against her.
MICKEY2
(coldly taunting)
I think that we were talking about your husband.
LOLA pushes his face with other hand, he grabs it twisting her wrists, causing her to wince with pain.
MICKEY2 pulls her even closer.
MICKEY2
You fuck your husband, and there’s art on your bedroom walls, isn’t there? Valuable art? The real stuff, eh?
LOLA
(struggling)
Mickey! Stop it! Mickey Moskavitz, no — Mickey! Please. please stop it — Please! No, Mickey, no —
MICKEY2
(holding her tight, hurting)
You fuck your husband surrounded by the masters, isn’t that right? Your husband the curator is something of a collector himself, you used to tell me that. You used to be afraid that I would hit his place, that I would rob him of his art? You used to be afraid, isn’t that right?
MICKEY2 starts to shake her. slaps her repeatedly.
LOLA
(crying, resisting, hurting)
Nol Mickey, no! — Stop it — You can’t! Mickey — Stop, please stop!
MICKEY2 pushes her down onto he bed. He abruptly pins her, sitting on her stomach, bracing her legs, knees pressed against chest.
MICKEY2 unrolls painting, and pushes it into her face.
MICKEY2’s face looms mercilessly in background.
MICKEY2
So, ever conscious of your feelings, my love, I again promise not to steal from your husband. In fact, I will be so generous as to actually sell him quite a prize, and at quite a price, eh? I know he will buy the original, the original that we can safely take by replacing it with this near-perfect forgery. Your uncle Willy’s in on it, but I say we can beat him to it, especially since we’ve got this little number. As the curator’s assistant and lovely, loving wife, you have perfect access. You will help me. You will arrange a special showing for me. You will hold an opening night, late at night, and strictly for the dead?
LOLA
(weakened. terrified)
Stop, Mickey, stop — Alright, alright — I’ll try, I’ll try and set things up at the Gallery — I’ll try, Mickey, but stop, please stop this — stop hurting me, Mickey, don’t, don’t hurt me anymore, please, please don’t hurt me anymore, Mickey, Mickey please…
Slow zoom in on Degas’ masterpiece, “Two Dancers On Stage”.
Day 7: INT — MIDDLEBERG GALLERY, OUTER HALL late evening:
Darkness but for reddish-pink “EXIT’ sign.
Silence, then whispering, panning flashlight beam.
Shadows, silhouetted outlines of two FIGURES sneak slowly out from under sign, slinking right to left: female FIGURE, followed closely by male FIGURE, carrying many bags, one of which contains rolled piece of canvas.
Various framed paintings loom in background.
VOICE OF MICKEY2
No wonder artists are such bizarros, hanging out in trippy places like —
VOICE OF LOLA
Shhhhh! Galleries, museums, all such places are different at night.
VOICE OF MICKEY2
Yeah? So are artists.
VOICE OF LOLA
And what about their patrons?
VOICE OF MICKEY2
I’m not a patron, Babe — I’m a thief, remember?
VOICE OF LOLA
Tell me the difference.
VOICE OF MICKEY2
Show me the difference.
INT — GALLERY, INNER STORAGE AREA:
FIGURES sneak through door, MALE turns flashlight on, pans it across many ticketed crates, stacked pieces of art.
MICKEY2
(handing flashlight to LOLA)
Here — I’ll never be able to find it.
LOLA
(takes flashlight)
I know.
MICKEY2
You’re sure it’s even in town yet?
LOLA
(panning tickets wffh light)
The Degas stuff arrived just yesterday, and they already checked most of it in, so she should be here.
MICKEY2
It might already be on display.
LOLA
Performing? You should know, Mickey. What’s it really like in the ring?
MICKEY2
Been a while. (Pause) These crates look like coffins. Ghosts of dead artists, a graveyard of their art.
LOLA
Feel at home then?
INT — GALLERY, OUTER HALLWAY:
Under “EXIT” sign, two different FIGURES appear, another man and woman.
VOICE OF MICKEYl
I can’t believe we’re actually doing this!
VOICE OF LILY
Shhhhhh!- You’ve been giving me the same rap since I’ve met you. (funny voice, mimicking MICKEYT ‘s whining) “I can’t believe this is happening!” “What’s going on here?” “You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve met.” (shaking her head) Blah blah blah: Get a life already, will ya? God! Have you turned out to be a bore! (Pause) I think you were more exciting when you were dead.
VOICE OF MICKEYl
I’m not a thief, I’m an artist.
LILY
(Yawn)
I’m not a murderess, I’m a lover.
VOICE OF MICKEYl
Alright. You say this other Mickey is gonna show tonight with my little painting? Then we take it, stop Their plan, and then we’re out of this crazy stuff, and I’m in the clear, right?
VOICE OF LILY
In the clear, Dear.
VOICE OF MICKEY l
Uh. Do you still like me? I’m afraid of you, though.
VOICE OF LILY
Find the painting, Mickey, and we can talk about it.
VOICE OF MICKEY l
I’m kind of, uh, starting to like you, you know.
VOICE OF LILY
Then paint me a picture, love, paint me a little goddamned picture.
INT — GALLERY, INNER STORAGE AREA:
LOLA
(panning crates)
I don’t think it’s in here.
MICKEY2
Think it’s on the floor, then, already on display?
LOLA
What would you do to me if it weren’t?
INT — GALLERY, OUTER HALLWAY:
MICKEYl
(panning paintings)
I don’t see it in this exhibit.
LILY
Maybe it’s in a back room then.
MICKEYl
Maybe it’s in your room, in your closet.
INT — GALLERY, INNER STORAGE AREA:
Bright lights suddenly come on.
OFFICERS SCRIBOWSKL SCATALONI and O’McMICKSON lunge at MICKEY2 and LOLA.
Chase scene.
VOICE OF OFFICER DAVIE DUNT
…Living in danger, living with the constant threat of death and destruction is my daily toil. But it’s something that you just can never get used to — But I’ve chosen this job — Because when it comes right down to it, the fear is everywhere, no escaping it, so I have to ask: What else could possibly happen to me? How much more of this can I possibly take?
MICKEY2 and LOLA fight and run. dodging around art.
Rolled canvas is knocked away from MICKEY2.
Crates fall. and dozens of other canvasses slide out onto floor.
Close up art, rapid pan of dozens of different masterpieces that have tumbled onto the floor.
Hold on “Two Dancers On Stage”.
INT — GALLERY. OUTER HALLWAY:
MICKEY2 and LOLA bolt out of storage area. run right into MICKEYl and LILY, running in the opposite direction.
MICKEY1
You again!
MICKEY2
No, me.
LOLA
(bumping into LILY)
Who are you?
LILY
(pointing to MICKEY1)
I’m with him.
MICKEY2
(to LILY)
Say “hi” to your old lady for me.
LILY
(to LOLA)
“Hi to your old lady.”
LOLA
(to LILY)
You bitch!
MICKEYl
(to ALL)
Come on now! Let’s be nice.
SCRIBOWSKI, SCATALONI, O’McMICKSON and DUNT rush out into hallway.
MICKEYl, MICKEY2, LILY and LOLA bolt under “EXIT” sign.
OFFICERS, all but DUNT enter frame, stop, look about, then follow.
DUNT enters frame, smoking, examines canvas he is carrying.
Close up of “Two Dancers on Stage”.
MORT MOSKAVITZ enters from right, holding guidebook.
WILLARD WILSON enters from left. holding camera.
OFFICER DUNT
Santos Scataloni!
WILLARD takes photo of DUNT handing canvas roll to MORT, flash going off.
DUNT
Smile! I never see any reason to do that.
EXT — STREET OUTSIDE GALLERY:
Several squad cars roar off into Mlddleberg evening.
DAY 8: INT — MIDDLEBERG POLICE STATION, eorty morning:
Rapid. sweeping track through front doors. along hallways lined with jailbirds, journalists. cops, detectives. various stereotypes.
Track continues up stairs. through fancy doors. straight to desk of COMMISSIONER.
COMMISSIONER LANCE
Performance! You guys hear what I’m saying to you?! Performance! Jenkinson! Hugh Jenkinson! Where’s Jenkinson?!-
Dolly back reveals CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS, SERGEANT SNARK, with OFFICERS SCRIBOWSKL SCATALONL O’McMICKSON, DUNT, in dim corner, HUGH JENKINSON.
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS
Yes, but Commissioner, we —
COMMISSIONER LANCE
(screaming )
Shut up! (tossing cigar into marble ashtray) Not “we,” not even “you,” but L me, me — me! You hear me? You sniveling sons of bitches! I got some newspaper flunky from The Examiner knocking on my door, I got the fucking mayor doing doughnuts in the parking lot, I got upper crust society bimbos from the Art Council calling me ten times a day, wheezing Viriginia Slims Menthol Ultra Light into the goddamned telephone, and you guys sit here like you got problems! Problems? Give me a fucking break.
VOICE OF HUGH JENKINSON
(very soft spoken, deep English accent)
Captain, the riders are at their mark…
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS
I know, boss, but I —
COMMISSIONER LANCE
(standing up suddenly)
Shut up, you! Performance! You hear me, you brass-plated rotary club giggolo! Performance! You think anyone cares about how you do it or why you do it or with whom you have to do it? You think anyone gives a shit about what’s right or wrong, what it takes or what it doesn’t? Performance! Get the job done! DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!
OFFICERS all stand around, taking it.
COMMISSIONER LANCE
Ten thousand criminal acts happen every single day in this city, and those are the ones we got laws for — do you think anyone besides the victims care? Hell no! And you know what people do care about? People care about what makes it to the papers (tossing the most recent edffion of The Middleberg Examiner onto the desk in front of him), they care about shit like “civic pride,” they care about “image,” they care about what’s for lunch, at the goddamned restaurant. you get it? Where’s Jenkinson? Jenkin —
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS
We got a tail on the newspaper guy, and —
COMMISSIONER LANCE
(shaking his fist)
Idiot! Listen, boys: All I want is that goddamned painting. We get some floozy Frenchie artshow come to town, and everyone’s happier than blowjobs, Middleberg gets on the culture map for two weeks, rich dildos from New York, Boston, Los Angeles for chrissake start stayin in our Hotels, spending lots of money all about town, taking pictures, booyah. Businesses are happy, mayor’s happy, I’m fucken happy. Next morning, opening day of the Exhibit, a rare painting is gone, missing! How the fuck did that happen? I want that painting. I don’t care what you have to do, I don’t care who you have to do it to, but I want that fucking painting. No excuses, no explanations. Performance! Jenkinson! Hugh Jenkinson!
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS
(with resignation, obedience)
Yessir. We get it.
VOICE OF HUGH JENKINSON
We are all condemned to live lives of corporeal manifestation, our bodies but the sepulchres of our tormented souls.
COMMISSIONER LANCE
(staring at FITZSIMMONS)
Good. You boys have twenty-four hours, including overtime, to get that piece of paper. Twenty-four hours, or the old maid from the Middleberg Gallery is gonna crate the rest of that crap up and ship it back to Paris or Italy or Russia or wherever the hell that stuff belongs. Jenkinson!
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS
We get it. And we will get it, Boss.
HUGH JENKINSON
(walks out of corner)
Inflation and unemployment rise proportionally, as economists bow to the chagrine of all.
SERGEANT SNARK
What the actual —
DAY 8: INT — MIDDLE BERG GYM, around noon:
MICKEY2 and SPARRING PARTNER in boxing gear, facing off in ring.
SPARRING PARTNER
You don’t get it, Mickey.
MICKEY2
Get what?
SPARRING PARTNER
That you’re washed up.
MICKEY2
What? What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.
SPARRING PARTNER
You’re washed up… You don’t get it… You used to have it… But now you don’t get it… Cause you’re out of it…
MICKEY2
Out of what? Get what?
SPARRING PARTNER
(shaking his head)
You just don’t get it —
SPARRING PARTNER takes sudden blow to face, falls backward into ring.
MICKEY2 stares, with sardonic smile, down at him.
MICKEY2
I guess you got it then.
MICKEY2 helps SPARRING PARTNER up, they both exit ring on opposite sides.
MICKEY2 hops over ropes, walks to older black man, dressed in three-piece pink suit, electric guitar in his lap.
MICKEY2
(removing his mask)
The nerve of these young punks.
FLOYD
Everyone’s got an attitude, Mickey (hands MICKEY2 a towel) — ‘specially you, boy.
MICKEY2
(rubbing himself with towel)
Yeah. You need one to fight, though — you know that, Floyd, better’n anyone else I know. Hell, you need one to live, eh? You don’t have character, an approach, your own style, then you’re dead.
FLOYD
Yeah, I sho do. I knows it still, Mick. And fight you did, Mickey, fight you certainly did. Have a seat.
MICKEY2 sits first row, next to FLOYD.
MICKEY2
You gonna play for me?
FLOYD
I play for anybody, anytime, just like you used to fight anybody, anytime!
MICKEY2
Everbody! — Everytime! —
FLOYD
(laughing)
Thass right, everbody. (plays blues licks) Everbody, you sho fought everbody…
MICKEY2
And beat most of ‘em. whaddaya say?
FLOYD
Yep. (looks up from guitar, hand still bending note) We all gots our time. Mickey, we all gots our time — Times ta fight. times ta play, times ta jus sit down, and let some youngins play — or fight.
MICKEY2
Whaddaya telling me, Boss? Whaddaya sayin to me, Coach? Talk straight. Talk with your mouth, not your guitar. Talk with your heart, not your head.
FLOYD
I talk wid both of ’em, guitar say things the mouth can’t, and mouth says things the guitar can’t — but what both is saying ta ya now is ta try somethin’ new, Mickey.
MICKEY2
Thought you of all people were Old School, Floyd.
FLOYD
(pats MICKEY2, pulls him close)
Life gots its own rules, Mick, jus like da ring. Sometimes the mind wants somethin the body can’t do, while other times, the body wants what da mind can’t give — Fightin ain’t what it’s been. ya know? Before, young guy who’s any good could make a good livin boxin — nowadays, people sit in their own room, watch HBO, throw shit at the TV, you know it? Why should dey go uptown see da little boys play. when dey can watch da best dance at home? Even ol’ Floyd here, he play his guita, play it cause dey be fights in Middleberg only twice a week stead uh six, ‘ cause we no longa fill da house no mo like we used ta, even on Friday and Satday — Times change, Mickey, an sooner or later, we gotta change wit ‘em.
MICKEY2
What about me. boss? What about me? Not the ring, not the sport — People still fight, shit, you know that. Business might be worse than it was, same here like everywhere else, but what about me? Me? Do you think I still got it? Do you think I can still fight?
FLOYD
(speaking, as if to himself)
Yup. Dat “Mighty Moskavitz,” he be bad! I remembuh one night, maybe six seven year ago, “Mighty Moskavitz” vee ess “Wild Wilson,” a.k.a. “Little Willie Junior,” dat punk from da Nort Side: Two roun in, da ref he stop dat fight, cause Mickey be hurtin dat kid so bad — but Mighty Moskavitz ain’t havin dat, and he punch dat ref in da face, breakin’ his nose, all hell breakin’ loose! Fans come up out der seats, into da ring, and Mickey be punchin lef and right, right and lef, until the po-lice show, clubbin all dem folks down. I rememba da Mighty Moskavitz in a corner, fightin, fightin da ref, fightin da fans, fightin do coach, fightin da po-lice even, fightin everbody til they done gas the whole fuckin place, goddamn, dat sho be a night! Dat be a night ol’ Floyd here never forgit!
MICKEY2
(leaning closer, holding hand)
That was then — what now, Floyd my man? Could I go in there again? Could I do that? Could I be what I once was?
FLOYD
Nobody is what they was, Mighty Mick. (Pause) We all be what we is…
Door bursts open, SCATALONI, SCRIBOWSKI, O’McMICKSON, and, behind them, DUNT run in, waving clubs, shouting.
MIDDLEBERG POLICE
Moskavitz! Hold it right there, or we’ll shoot!
MICKEY2
Not again!
FLOYD
Agin ‘n agin ‘n agin ‘n agin…
MICKEY2 leaps up: Fast cuts, cops rush forward, MICKEY2 quickly puts on boxing gloves, jumps into ring.
Choreographed fight scene, from various angles, MICKEY2 boxing with all OFFICERS. JENKINSON seen in corner, watching.
Other COPS burst in, shoot tear gas.
HUGH JENKINSON
I can hear The Charge Of The Light Brigade in my mind’s eye. listening …
Gas fills field of vision…
INT — LOLA’S APARTMENT, BATHROOM. early afternoon:
Steam, and sounds of running water. Somone is humming The Charge Of The Light Brigade. Water stops, feminine arm reaches through curtain, grabs towel.
LOLA comes through, between many pieces of hanging women’s underwear. steps in front of sink. She grabs another towel. dries her hair, raps towel around head. wipes fogged mirror with one hand.
She opens medicine cabinet. removes cream, starts to moisturize her skin.
SCRIBOWSKI, O’McMICKSON, SCATALONI are all crammed into her bathroom.
DUNT is smoking in a corner.
LOLA, oblivious, continues to rub cream on her face. Her hand begins to move to her chest.
SCRIBOWSKI sneezes suddenly, vociferously.
LOLA noticeable startled, stops humming The Charge Of The Light Brigade, looks around.
OFFICERS stand there, feeling uncomfortable but gawking.
Following exchange extremely rapid, with overlap:
O’McMICKSON
(sentimentally)
I was in Kilkenney when this lovely milk maid —
SCRIBOWSKI
(apologetically)
— Sorry. boyz, but the sight of such fine features —
SCATALONI
(mystically)
— Jesus Mary, most pure virgin of Nazareth —
DUNT
(psychotically)
— Women are always scheming, always lurking —
LOLA
Who are you, and what are you doing in my bathroom?
O’McMICKSON
She brought me white wine in a pale, or was it milk in a wine bottle? —
SCRIBOWSKI
— hard to blow the nose under such circumstances —
SCATALONI
— Sweet Jesus. I am a sinner before the Grace of the Prince of Peace —
DUNT
— They always lie, seething in deception, and when they aren’t lying, then they’re thinking about lying —
LOLA
Get out! or I am going to call a policeman!
O’McMICKSON
I can’t remember if I got drunk on the milk, or if I drunk her milk —
SCRIBOWSKI
— people say that nasal problems are a sign of sexual potency —
SCATALONI
— my grandfather he was a priest, and my greatgrandfather the father of a priest —
DUNT
— they would all leave me, if I wouldn’t see through their lies and manipulations first —
LOLA
Police! Help me! Somebody help me! Police!
Pan one OFFICER to next, in succession all OFFICERS put on their police caps, reach for and display badges despite being in full uniform.
LOLA leaps behind shower curtain, closes, flings towels.
LOLA
Come and get me, you blue bastards! I dare you.
All OFFICERS look apprehensively at each other.
O’McMICKSON
Some say that the Irish are a direct racial line from the Greeks —
SCRIBOWSKI
— I once almost got arrested for sneezing in public —
SCATALONI
— the Center of Hell is a ring of ice, Satan himself dwelling in the very middle —
DUNT
— l have the fondest memories of mother when target firing on the shooting range —
Shot held on dangling bras and panties.
INT — MOSKAVITZ CLOTHING STORE, SALES FLOOR, hour later:
MICKEYl stands in front of an enormous table, folding underwear. Shelves, racks, hangers are ubiquitous, many of them looming ominously above: place is smoky, congested, every square foot of available floor space used.
MICKEYl
(talking to himself)
I can’t believe this shit. I come home for some peace and quiet, only I get murdered. I come to work for Uncle Mortie, only I end up folding underwear. I wish someone would kill me again, get it all over with.
FELIX stands at register, “helping” overtly poor man.
FELIX
(rapid, whiny, nervous voice)
I can’t cash that for you unless you buy something so go and buy something and I can cash it for you.
MAN
This is the only place around that’ll —
FELIX
Are you listening to me? No. I don’t think you are listening to me. Obviously, you, can, hear, what, I, am, say-ing, to, you — but you just aren’t listening, now are you? I said —
MAN
— I heard what you said, man.
FELIX turns away.
MICKEYl folds more underwear. He stops for a second, looks up, sees FELIX and MAN watching him.
VOICE OF FELIX
Mickey! Get over here! Now!
MICKEYl scrambles to register.
MAN approaches underwear table.
FELIX
Alright, Mickey. Watch the floor. The Fat Old Man’s got me on another “errand’ — I might be gone an hour, I might be gone ten-to-twelve, ho ho, so hang tight. You know how everything works?
MICKEYl
Of course.
FELIX
Great. (Pats MICKEY1 on the back) Just great.
FELIX exits store.
Crossing path are THE KID and OLD MAN, entering.
MICKEYl
Hey, boys! Haven’t seen you guys in a while.
THE KID
(tipping his skate board)
Mickman! What gives, bro-sheen, bro-diddly, bro-buddy — Mick-mania, Mick-o-manic Mick-o-matic, Mick-a-tricky-dicky, funky-dunky-punky-McMonkey? The Mickmaster, the Mick-a-doodle!
OLD MAN
(tipping hat)
Good morning, young man.
MAN returns, carrying piece of poorly folded underwear.
MICKEYl smiles, nervously, leans down to look at price.
THE KID heads for rack of silk ties.
OLD MAN heads for rack of custom suits.
Sequence of shots:
MICKEYl first examines check, IDs, smiling, goes about trying to open old style cash register. He pulls a lever, “bing!” sounds. He pushes another lever, sound of internal gears grinding starts and then suddenly stops. He presses button, “buzz!” sounds. He slaps side, first “bing!” then “buzz!” as gears grind.
THE KID rapidly folds, pockets silk ties.
OLD MAN tries on custom suit.
MAN standing with check and IDs, waiting.
Older man, dressed lavishly, enters, approaches register.
MICKEYl struggles. MICKEYl grabs ruler, starts to pry open drawer, notices approaching man.
MICKEYl
May I help you?
LAVISHLY DRESSED MAN
Yes. I am Mort Moskavitz’ broker, Mendel Mendelsohn. Is Mortimer in today?
O’McMICKSON, SCATALONI, and SCRIBOWSKI, followed distantly by DUNT and JENKINSON, burst through door.
O’McMICKSON has slight limp, SCRIBOWSKI has bandaged nose, SCATALONI has a cast on one arm, while DUNT and JENKINSON continue to smoke.
MIDDLEBERG POLICE
Hold it right there, everyone! Or we’ll shoot!
HUGH JENKINSON
Orangutans are solitary though intense creatures, inhabiting the jungles of Sumatra and Borneo.
EXT — LANGER HOUSE, FRONT LAWN, about hour later:
LILY walks up front path, stooping to pick rose from front garden, stops at mailbox.
House looms in background. LILY opens mailbox. card lies on top.
Close up: panning slowly from top to bottom:
We missed you at the River, Lilith.
Love you for twenty-five-to-life
Hugh Jenkinson
LILY runs back to house, drops rose, slams door.
Pan to close up fallen rose: a hand reaches down to pick it up.
Close up HUGH JENKINSON, sniffing fallen rose.
INT — LANGER KITCHEN:
LILY’s MOTHER opens oven. removes freshly baked tray of cookies. places them on kitchen table as doorbell rings.
She removes her gloves. waddles slowly toward front door.
INT — LANGER LIVING ROOM:
LILY’S MOTHER
(goes to door, doesn’t open it)
Go away.
MALE VOICE
(with a distinct Neopolitan accent)
But I’m here to see Lilly my Sweetest.
LILY’S MOTHER
She’s all through with men.
MALE VOICE
Why is that?
LILY’S MOTHER
Nothing but trouble!
MALE VOICE
Do they abuse her?
LILY’S MOTHER
Yes. But usually, she winds up murdering them.
MALE VOICE
Makes her feel better. eh?
LILY’S MOTHER
That is correct.
MALE VOICE
Would you consider me brave if I continued to court her? Would you deem me devoted?
LIL Y’S MOTHER
No. I would consider you stupid- An epic loser.
LILY’s MOTHER removes very large handgun from calico apron, peppers front door with bullets.
Door falls open, SCATALONI clutching at bullet proof vest.
SCATALONI
I shoulda instead gone to see some Pucc-cc-cc-cc-ini —
SCATALONI collapses backwards.
UGLY BABY, giggles in crib.
INT — LILY’S BEDROOM:
LILY in bed, ripping up card collection.
Shots ring out, then rapping on her window.
SWAT OFFICER, standing on ledge, dressed in all-black SWAT uniform, bullet proof vest, gun roll, large automatic rifle strapped to back, face masked. He pushes against window, it opens slowly.
LILY stretches, seductively puts finger into mouth, caresses her own hair, smiling a smile, looks up with yearning eyes.
LILY
Excuse me?
SWAT GUY
(distinct Irish accent)
I’m up here to arrest you, missus.
LILY
What are the charges- Big Boy?
SWAT GUY
Uh, hum (clears throat) Yes. Um. Well, so far, we have evidence for murder, attempted murder, rob —
LILY
My boyfriends have said that I kill them with passion.
SWAT GUY
Yes, yes me lady. That very well might be true — however, we have evidence that you kill them with knives, with pistols, with automatic weapons, with poison, with automobiles, with blunt objects, with fire, with lethal injections, with rope. with —
LILY
That’s a lie! I never killed anyone with rope.
SWAT GUY
Yes, that could very well be the case, missus, but we have a warrant for your arrest. and I am here —
LILY
(yawning)
Oh. I know. I know. “to arrest me.” yes. I know. I know — how dull (sighing) — how dreadfully dull.
SWAT GUY
Dull. Dull? You could be gone for a very long time.
LILY
Whatever happened to all of the fun in the world?
SWAT GUY
Ma’am?
Pause. L
ILY leans forward. staring at him. smiling viciously.
LILY
Would you let me go if I fucked you?
SWAT GUY
Excuse me?
LILY slams window shut. window smashes into SWAT OFFICER. knocking mask off. hurling him off of ledge.
O’McMICKSON
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
LILY
(to herself)
Thought so.
EXT — LANGER HOUSE PORCH:
SCATALONI slowly gets up.
O’McMICKSON plummets down on top of him.
HUGH JENKINSON stares.
HUGH JENKINSON
Objects reaching terminal velocity intimidate me. though they excite preadolescents.
DAY 9: INT — MIDDLEBERG POLICE STATION. INTERROGATION ROOM. early morning:
SCRIBOWSKI. SCATALONI. and O’McMICKSON sit facing MICKEY2.
MICKEYl. LILY. LOLA. OLD MAN. and THE KID sit on opposite end of a long table. bright lights shining in faces.
CAPTAIN FITZSIMMONS paces back and forth in front of them.
FITZSIMMONS
All right. Let’s take it from the top.
LILY
I don’t know what you goons are talking about.
SCRIBOWSKI
Shut up, and let the man speak!
LILY
I thought you wanted us to talk?
SCATALONI
Shut up! Don’t get smart!
LILY
OK, I’ll be stupid — I don’t know what you goons are —
O’McMICKSON
Please?
FITZSIMMONS
Enough already: Tell us what happened.
LILY sits there, silent. staring at them.
FITZSIMMONS
Well?
LILY
What do you want me to say?
O’McMICKSON
Tell us what happened.
LILY
I don’t know what you goons are talking about.
SCATALONI
See?
FITZSIMMONS
(to SCATALONI)
Shut up! (then turning to M/CKEY1) Alright, you, you little twirp: Tell me what happened.
MICKEYl
Something’s happening.
O’McMICKSON
Well, that’s a start!
FITZSIMMONS
(to O’McM/CKSON)
Shut up! (to MICKEY1) Your house caught on fire, is that correct?
MICKEYl
That is correct.
FITZSIMMONS
And a (looking at report) let me see, a Mickey Moskavitz died in that fire?
MICKEY2
No. I’m Mickey Moskavitz.
FITZSIMMONS
Well, then you couldn’t have died in the fire.
LILY
(shaking her head)
I sure won’t stand a chance with these guys.
SCATALONI
(to LILY)
Shut up!
SCRIBOWSKI
(to SCATALONI)
You shut up!
O’McMICKSON
All a youse shut upl
FITZSIMMONS
(glaring at O’McMICKSON, then to MICKEY2)
Then who died in the fire?
MICKEY2
My partner.
FITZSIMMONS
(pointing to MICKEY1) Then who is this weasel?
MICKEY2
That’s Mickey Moskavitz too. I guess.
FITZSIMMONS
And he didn’t die in the fire?
MICKEY2
No, dumbshit. He didn’t.
SCATALONI
Shut up!
SCRIBOWSKI
Shut —
FllZSIMMONS hits SCATALONI and SCRIBOWSKI on head.
FllZSIMMONS
How come his name’s Mickey Moskavitz, then?
MICKEY2
Beats me. Ask his momma.
FllZSIMMONS
(pause, turn to LILY)
We dug up a stiff in your mother’s rosegarden today.
LILY
You didn’t mess up momma’s roses, did you?
SCATALONI about to speak, but FllZSIMMONS gives him a stare.
FllZSIMMONS
Why did you kill him?
MICKEY2
(interrupting)
Because she thought he was Mickey Moskavitz.
FllZSIMMONS
But aren’t you Mickey Moskavitz?
O’McMICKSON
Heyl I’m a Mickey, as well!
SCRIBOWSKI
(to O’McMICKSON)
Shut up!
SCATALONI
(to SCRIBOWSKI)
Shut up!
SNARK
.(to O’McMICKSON, SCRIBOWSKI, and SCATALONI)
Shut up!
MICKEY2
Damn straight.
FllZSIMMONS
(pointing to MICKEY1)
Then who’s the weasel here?
MICKEY2
I told you — he’s Mickey Moskavitz. too.
FITZSIMMONS
Then how come neither of youse is dead?
MICKEYl
(pointing to LILY)
Ask her.
FITZSIMMONS
(to LILY)
Who did you kill?
LILY
The guy I must have thought was Mickey Moskavitz.
FITZSIMMONS
There’s two Mickey Moskavitz’s — how could you miss?
LILY
The guy I killed looked just like Mickey Moskavitz.
FITZSIMMONS
But these guys look nothing at all alike!
LILY
No, you idiot — the guy I killed looked just like this weasely Mickey Moskavitz.
MICKEY2
(pointing to MICKEY1)
But you were supposed to whack this Mickey —
LILY
How the hell was I supposed to know that?
MICKEY2
Isn’t that your damn job?
LILY
How many Mickey Moskavitz’s you think there are in this world, huh?
FITZSIMMONS
I think we got at least two too many. if you ask me (to OLD MAN): What do you know about Mickey Moskavitz?
OLD MAN
Which one?
FITZSIMMONS
The big one.
OLD MAN
Never seen him before in my life.
SNARK
And the thin one?
OLD MAN
Never seen him before, either.
FITZSIMMONS
(to THE KID)
How’d you end up with the old guy here?
THE KID
I didn’t, I was with that Mendelsohn guy.
FITZSIMMONS
(to SERGEANT SNARK)
Mendelsohn? Who’s he?
SNARK
We brought him in, too, sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Then where the hell is he?
SNARK
Had to let him go, sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Let him go? Why the hell did you go and do that?
SNARK
Records indicated that he was dead, sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Dead?
SNARK
Yes, sir — dead.
FITZSIMMONS
You couldn’t bring him in because he was dead?
SNARi<
No sir. We brought him in fine, but we found out later that he was dead.
FITZSIMMONS
Dead?
$NARK
Yes. sir — Murdered, in fact.
FITZSIMMONS
Murdered? The man you brought in was murdered?
SNARK
That is correct. sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Brought him over to homicide. did you?
SNARK
No. sir. ‘fraid not.
FITZSIMMONS
Then what did you do with him?
$NARK
Let him go. sir, like I said. No use for a dead man. Not even for homicide.
FITZSIMMONS
I thought they handled that sort of thing?
SNARK
They do. But case was closed. sir.
FITZSIMMONS
They catch the killer. then?
$NARK
No. don’t think so. sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Then why is the Mendelsohn case closed?
$NARK
Well, when we questioned Mendelsohn, he insisted that the charges be dropped.
FITZSIMMONS
Dropped? And allow a murderer to run about the city free as a bird? Makes you wonder if anyone cares about anything anymore. (To LOLA) How do you know this guy (pointing to MICKEY2).
LOLA
He beat me up.
FITZSIMMONS
That’s how you met?
LOLA
He’s a boxer, you know.
FITZSIMMONS
To be expected then, eh?
MICKEY2
That is correct.
FITZSIMMONS
(to SNARK)
And what about her mother?
SNARK
Her mother, sir?
FITZSIMMONS
Yes. According to your report, you apprehended her mother (points to LILY, then reads from report) “Assaulting an officer, armed and dangerous, attempted murder”.
SNARK
That is correct, sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Well? Where is she then?
SNARK
Baking, sir.
FITZSIMMONS
Baking?
SNARK
Yes. For the crew. sir.
FITZSfMMONS slams report onto desk.
FITZSIMMONS
Then what were all the rest of you doing in the Gallery the other night?
MICKEY2
We were trying to steal a painting.
SCATALONI
Ah ha!
FITZSIMMONS
No shit. Which one?
MICKEY2
The one that’s missing.
SCRIBOWSKI
Guilty!
O’McMICKSON
Guilty!
SCATALONI
Guilty!
SNARK
Guilty!
FITZSIMMONS
(to OFFICERS)
Shut, up! (To MICKEY2) Come clean. Where’s the damn painting?
MICKEY2
Don’t know.
LILY
Don’t know.
MICKEYl
Don’t know.
LOLA
Don’t know.
FITZSIMMONS
You went to steal the painting, the painting that is now missing. Is that not correct?
MICKEY2, MICKEYl, LILY, LOLA
(simultaneously)
That is correct.
FITZSIMMONS
Then where the hell is it?
LILY
Stolen.
SNARK
Stolen?
LILY
Yeah. Stolen. We got there, thing was already gone.
FITZSIMMONS
You didn’t steal it?
MICKEYl
We didn’t steal it.
FITZSIMMONS
Someone else stole it?
LOLA
Someone else must have stolen it.
FITZSIMMONS
(to SNARK)
Hmm. Then get them out of here.
SNARK
Sir? You are actually going to believe them? You are actually going to release them?
FITZSIMMONS
What else can I do?
SNARK
Not believe them? And what about all the other charges we have against them?
LILY
We can help you find the painting. Drop the charges, let us go, and we can help you find it.
SNARK
(to LILY)
How could we possibly believe you?
LILY
You’ve believed us so far.
SNARK
What about the murder?
LILY
Easy come, easy go.
FITZSIMMONS
You confess to the crime?
LILY
No.
FITZSIMMONS
Very good then. Release them! Release them all.
SNARK
But sir! The stiff! What about the stiff we dug up from the rosegarden. The stiff who was buried there? The one she just confessed to killing?
FITZSIMMONS looks at LILY inquisitively.
LILY
Gardening accident.
SNARK
And. and. and — and breaking and entering at the Gallery?
FITZSIMMONS looks at MICKEYl inquisitively.
MICKEYl
Facilities management.
LOLA
Third shift.
SNARK
And. and. and — resisting allest! Assaulting officers! Attempted murder, for chrissakes!
FITZSIMMONS gazes with uplifted eyebrow at MICKEY l and LOLA.
MICKEY2
Self-defense.
LILY
Police brutality.
FITZSIMMONS
You fine folks have. alone. or together (looks at his watch) oh, about six hours left to find that damn painting. If you don’t find it. then Commissioner Lance will be very upset with me. If Commissioner Lance gets upset with me. then I’ll see to it that we slap all the charges onto all of you, and then a couple extras to keep you locked up until Commissioner Lance calms down again. which will be never. Six hours. Have a wonderful afternoon.
MICKEY2. MICKEYl, LILY, LOLA. OLD MAN. and THE KID all stand up, shuffle out of interrogation room.
As they leave. out of for corner walks HUGH JENKINSON, and on either side, MORT MOSKAVITZ and WILLARD WILSON.
WILLARD WILSON
This had better work.
MORT MOSKAVITZ
Might as well try it, since we’ve tried everything else. And I don’t know for how much longer the payola can last — our return on our investment, you know —
HUGH JENKINSON
I find the use of base six rather disconcerting a standard for use in time measurement. We should instead have one hundred seconds in a minute, one hundred minutes in every hour.
WILLARD WILSON
(pointing to JENKINSON)
Who is this guy?
MORT MOSKAVITZ
No relation.
EXT — DOWNTOWN MIDDLEBERG, MAIN STREET, hour later:
Slow track MICKEYl and LILY walking up main street:
MICKEYl
I’m going to find that painting.
LILY
Go right ahead. I’m getting the hell out of town.
MICKEYl
What about your mother? What about your kid?
LILY
I’ll take them with me.
MICKEYl
Stay! I’m going to find that painting. and then give it to the police. and then we’ll all be in the clear!
LILY
How’re you going to give them something you don’t have? You had enough trouble holding onto the fake.
MICKEYl
I think I might have a clue.
LILY
Then clue me in.
MICKEYl stops in front of Jewelry Store.
LILY follows lead.
MICKEYl
You know my “fake.” the thing that seems to have started this whole mess in the first place? The one to be used to replace the original in the Gallery?
LILY
What are you talking about?
MICKEYl
(looking down)
I’m the one who’s a fake, Lily. I found that canvas. as is, in our basement. The rendering was so good, I took it with me to school, submitted it as my graduation project. It’s been in our family for as long as I can remember.
LILY
Then where’s it from?
MICKEYl
I’m not sure, but I think it’s from the war, the Second World War. Something happened — something happened to my mother during the war. In Europe. She was there. Hell, I don’t really know. Somehow, she got a hold of it. I don’t know if someone gave it to her, or if she took it. It’s not mine. I didn’t paint it. I’m ashamed.
Pause.
LILY
I love you.
MICKEYl
Excuse me?
LILY
(pushes him, points finger)
Don’t say that.
MICKEY1
Say what?
LILY
(smiling warmly again)
I love you.
MICKEYl
Does that mean you don’t want to kill me anymore?
LILY
(hugs him, looks into his eyes)
I’ve been living a lie for as long as I can remember, too, Mickey. Working for Willard has had it’s moments, but I figure it’s about time to come clean. I used to think that I would do just about anything to avoid a day job, get stuck with some boring husband. Killing boyfriends seemed to solve both problems, but now I’m washed up. I’ve wanted to get away from all that for a long time, and you’ve helped me to finally break away.
LILY hugs MICKEYl again.
Close up LILY’s head, smiling, placed again on MICKEYl ‘s shoulder.
Close up MICKEYl ‘s head, looking dumbfounded.
Sound of shattering glass as they both jump, startled.
INT — JEWELRY STORE, moments earlier:
Close up of chamois polishing glass countertop.
Various pieces of jewelry lie sparkling on velvet cushion below.
JEWELER, applying finishing touches, looks up, then grimaces.
JEWELER
You’re just in time to smash it again.
MICKEY2
Who said I came back to smash it?
JEWELER
What? Did you come back to rob me?
MICKEY2
(draws gun)
That is correct.
JEWELER
(gestures to counter)
Well, then I would prefer if you would smash it again.
MICKEY2
(waves gun at JEWELER)
Come on, Buddy. Fork it over, fork it all over.
JEWELER removes key, starts to unlock the case.
MICKEY2
No no no! Cash only, please. I want some cold, cool cash. Nothing that I have to hock. I have to find something that I don’t know where it is, so I figured I’d find something that I know where it is — the money I need to get out of town again.
JEWELER
Leaving? So soon? And you want me to open the register?
MICKEY2
I want you to open the register.
JEWELER
I have no money in the register.
MICKEY2
You have no money in the register — whaddaya talking about?
JEWELER
Been closed for repairs, Mickey. Wasn’t so bad, though — spent some time over at the gym, watching some fights. Didn’t see you there, though.
MICKEY2
(angered)
Open the register!
JEWELER
Go ahead, shoot me.
MICKEY2
What?
JEWELER takes register key, dangling it in front of MICKEY2.
JEWELER
Shoot me. Shoot me — go ahead and shoot me, because I’m not going to give you this key.
MICKEY2
(lowers gun)
Come on, I can’t shoot you, Sonny. Hell. You should know that by now.
JEWELER
You sure?
MICKEY2
Sure I’m sure.
MICKEY2 slides pistol back into his belt.
MICKEY2 shrugs at JEWELER.
JEWELER
Okay. Then I’ll shoot you then.
JEWELER swiftly removes his own pistol from underneath shirt, and starts to shoot at MICKEY2.
Several rounds are discharged.
MICKEY2 makes mad dash, dives through plate glass window.
EXT — STREET IN FRONT OF JEWELRY STORE, moments later:
Foreground: LILY hugging MICKEY1.
Background: sight through glass of MICKEY2 running.
MICKEY2 crashes violently through glass — glass explodes in all directions, LILY leaps away.
MICKEYl is caught completely off guard, and MICKEY2 lands square into arms of MICKEYl.
MICKEY2
When one man harms another man, is that a sign of strength, or of weakness?
MICKEYl
(straining)
I suppose that depends on the men, the strengths, and the weaknesses.
MICKEY2
What does one man owe another, when they meet at a crossroads?
MICKEYl
(straining more)
I suppose that depends on what they saw, what they see, and what they think they might see.
MICKEY2
When one man is at his end, and another at his beginning, can anything be learned, shared?
MICKEYl
(struggling terribly)
I suppose that depends — on — the amount of strain —
MICKEY2 and MICKEYl collapse.
LILY helps them both up.
MICKEYl
You again!
MICKEY2
No, me. You know something. rat face? Every time I meet you, I like you less and less.
MICKEYl
Goes both ways. guy. (to LILY) Come on!
MICKEY2
Hey, not so fast. She’s with me!
MICKEY2 grabs LILY’S left arm.
MICKEYl
No, me.
MICKEYl grabs LILY’s right arm.
MICKEYl and MICKEY2 both tug.
LILY
Ouch! Are you guys going to fight for me, or what?
MICKEYS let go of LILY, who falls to ground.
MICKEYS start swinging at each other.
MICKEY2 has strength, MICKEYl has speed.
MICKEY2 swings, MICKEYl ducks, kicks.
Sirens wail.
MICKEY2 distracted for moment, MICKEYl gets solid right in.
MICKEY2 knocked to ground, stunned.
LILY, on her feet, raises MICKEYl‘s hand, boxing victor style, they run.
Close up, MICKEY2 on ground, rubbing chin.
MICKEY2
I can’t believe I just got my ass kicked by this weasel. Maybe Floyd’s right… maybe it’s time for a serious career change…
Continued in Part 5…
