Our Lovely Thanksgiving Family Meal

At least we didn’t argue about politics and religion

A snippet of family conversation around the holiday table:

Mookie: Soo won at poker, again.

Nicky: Did you cheat?

Soo: Fair and square!

Vinny: Beginner’s Luck.

Nicky: We’ve played a thousand times, dumbass.

Soo: I’m hungry.

Vinny: Winner pays.

Soo: For what?

Mookie: Let's order in!

Nicky: Well considering you didn't cook shit, that's a good idea.

Soo: What are we getting?

Vinny: Anything but Mexican.

Nicky: That's racist.

Soo: Why is that racist?

Vinny: Yeah, some of their meals are good meals…

Soo: I want pizza!

Nicky: We just had pizza.

Mookie: What's wrong with pizza?

Nicky: It's Thanksgiving, for fuck's sake.

Soo: I like pizza.

Vinny: Yes to pizza.

Nicky: I don't want pizza.

Mookie: Everyone else wants pizza.

Nicky: OK. But only if I can have wings, too.

Vinny: That's so douchey.

Nicky: What's douchey?

Mookie: Putting conditions on our Thanksgiving family meal.

Nicky: You call pizza and hot wings a “Thanksgiving family meal”?

Mookie: You’re the one asking for wings.

Nicky: Let’s vote.

Soo: I want pizza!

Mookie: That’s three to four.

Vinny: Fuck it. I just ordered!

Mookie: WTF you mean you just ordered? We didn't figure out what we wanted yet.

Vinny: You just said we voted for pizza.

Nicky: You just voted for wanted pizza.

Soo: What kind of pizza did you get?

Vinny: I thought we'd get a half cheese and half pepperoni, just like our last order.

Mookie: But we have an extra person this time. And we didn’t find out what kind of pizza Soo wants.

Soo: Did you forget my sausage pizza?

Nicky: Yeah, you didn't even ask what Soo wanted.

Vinny: I got you wings, so shut up.

Nicky: You did?

Vinny: They were part of our last order, which I reordered.

Mookie: So let me get this straight. WIthout asking anybody, you just went ahead and ordered the same thing we had last time?

Vinny: It's faster that way.

Nicky: We have an extra person, who wants a different pizza.

Vinny: Don't you want everything faster?

Nicky: By what? A minute?

Soo: Is my pizza coming?

Mookie: Vinny. Really?

Vinny: Why is everyone mad at me when I'm the one who took the initiative and bothered to order?

Mookie: You didn't even ask anyone what they wanted first.

Vinny: Yeah, but we get all the food faster.

Mookie: Are you autistic?

Vinny: Suck my dick!

Soo: OMG, OMG, OMG.

Nicky: That was shady.

Mookie: That was par for the course.

Vinny: What does that mean? I don’t play golf.

Mookie: Happy Thanksgiving!

Turning up the music so they don’t have to talk to each other.

Nicky: Can you stop playing your shitty trance techno music?

Mookie: Isn't it great? I love this shit.

Vinny: Makes me dizzy, and I lost my appetite.

Soo: It's so Old School.

Mookie: But do you like it?

Soo: Some of it. You know your favorite DJs play at Raves in Brooklyn?

Mookie: Let's goooooooo!

Nicky: Aren't you supposed to do drugs there?

Vinny: I want to try them all.

Soo: OMG, it really is different hanging out with you three...

Vinny: Different from what?

Nicky: Drugs are bad, Vincent.

Mookie: What can you get, Soo?

Soo: Whatever you want.

Mookie: Seriously? Wow...

Nicky: Don't do DMT, Mookie.

Mookie: Why not? If Mike Tyson can handle it, anyone can.

Nicky: He's the former heavy weight champion of the world! He's a beast! He's the ultimate fighting GOAT! Even he told Joe Rogan that DMT almost freaked him out.

Mookie: "I wuhssssssss tripppppin, Joe! I ssssssssaw coluhsssssss, an sssstarsssss an shhhhhhhit..."

Nicky: Stop making fun of Mike Tyson.

Mookie: “Mike Tython”.

Soo: What is going on?!

Nicky: If you do DMT just be careful, because I don't know what I'll do if you permanently lose your mind.

Vinny: And the difference would be noticed, how?

Soo: I'm hungry. Did you order my pizza?

Vinny: Lucky I ordered so fast.

Nicky: You're an idiot.

Mookie: Do you still go to Raves, Soo?

Soo: All the time!

Mookie! Woohoo! Let's all go.

Vinny: I want to go and try all the drugs.

Soo: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea bringing this up with the kids?

Mookie: They aren't kids anymore.

Nicky: Vinny would lose his fucking mind.

Soo: Never do drugs, Vincent!

Vinny: You just told Mookie you can get him anything he wants.

Mookie: They're right, Vincent. You would flip out.

Vinny: I could handle it.

Nicky: You can't handle talking to a girl, let alone tripping balls.

Soo: Why are you guys so different from other people?

Mookie: What other people?

Vinny: Seriously, can you turn off your music, Mookie?

Nicky: Yeah, My Dude. It's giving me a headache.

Soo: They actually still have Trance Raves where they play your stuff.

Mookie: Armin Van Buuren? Andy Moore? DJ Orkidea?

Soo: Yes. I go to these, too, sometimes.

Mookie: OMG, OMG, OMG.

Vinny: You OK?

Mookie: Let's goooooooooo.

Vinny: I want to dance and do drugs.

Nicky: You can’t handle ordering a fucking pizza.

Soon: These raves are 21 and older.

Vinny: Shit.

Nicky: Phew.

Front door buzzer rings.

Vinny: See! The food arrived so fast.

Nicky: So what? We're going to starve to death anyway.

Soo: Will they bring my pizza?

Vinny: What pizza?

Nicky: The pizza you were supposed to order, moron.

Vinny: Half cheese, half pepperoni.

Nicky: Yippie dippy dippy fucken do.

Mookie: Who’s getting the door?

Silence.

Mookie gets up, goes to the door. Delivery guy drops off just one half pepperoni, half cheese pizza.

Vinny: It's here! See? It arrived so fast!

Nicky: My wings better still be hot.

Vinny: That's so douchey. Always just thinking of yourself.

Nicky: Speaking of the wings, where are they?

Soo: I think they forgot my pizza...

Mookie turns the techno trance dance music to ear-splitting volume.

Mookie: Happy Thanksgiving!