Long Island Railroad Waits for Godot
Unsolicited advice in the form of a conversation as we wait for the 5:33am train into NYC
Eighth in the series, this installment eavesdropping on Tom da Lung Island Carpenta and Mike da Nassau County Electrician as we wait for our first shift commute into Manhattan…
Tom: Word.
Mike: Mornin.
Tom: How’s youse?
Tom: Yesserday durin da kids’ baseball practice I got popped in da mout by a foul ball.
Mike: No shit. Lemme see… Wow, youse face is all fucked up!
Tom: Tanks fer dat.
Mike: Youse welcome.
Tom: Six strike-outs inna row, den BOOM, juss like dat.
Mike: Youse looks like Leon Spinks.
Tom: Before er afta he got his ear chewed off?
Mike: Does it matter?
Tom: Good point. Lucky I’s still gots any teet left. I saw stars, Son!
Mike: I see one a dem right dis moment, in fact. Youse don’ believe me? Look over by dere. I’s heard it’s Mars.
Tom: Youse smokin crack, bro. Mars is a planet.
Mike: Dey sez dere’s some sorta alignment.
Tom: Not in dis town.
Mike: Mars is zoomin real close, Venus in a straight line, an Jupita way da fuck out a dere.
Tom: What about Uranus? Hahaha. Ha. Ha. Ha-the fuck ha.
Mike: Dey say now dat all stars gots planets, zillions of em. I can’t even begin ta grasp the bigly nature a da Yuniversity, man!
Tom: You high?
Mike: Tink about it. Dere’s stuff here, stuff dere, but how could dere be stuff everyfuckenwhere?
Tom: Dere ain’t. After all da stuff stops, dere’s nuttin.
Mike: Dat’s exactly my point!
Tom: What da fuck youse talkin bout?
Mike: What’s past da nuttin?
Tom: More nuttin.
Mike: What’s past da more nuttin?
Tom: Dis Double Jeopardy? More more nuttin, Son, dere’s endless nuttin.
Mike: OK, but where’s all dat nuttin?
Tom: Da nuttin is nowhere.
Mike: But we’re here.
Tom: Last I checked.
Mike: Where’s here?
Tom: Lemme guess, where dere’s sometin?
Mike: Correct!
Tom: I’s so relieved.
Mike: But how could dere be sometin in da nuttin?
Tom: Not done yet? You probly need ta get laid.
Mike: Cause if dere’s sometin, den endless nuttin, den all a da suddden sometin, den all dat sometin an nuttin have have gotta be on dis side a some place else, youse knows what I’m sayin?
Tom: No.
Mike: Put anodder way, even if da endless nuttin goes on forfuckenever, it’s gotta be somewhere.
Tom: Did I tell youse da one about the gay, one-armed skydiver hangin off a cliff?
Mike: And if it’s somewhere, den dere’s gotta be somewhere it ain’t, which is some place past da nuttin, youse knows, furder out dere, which has gotta be some place else asides from over by heres.
Tom: Crystal clear, Bro. Youse need youse own podcast.
Mike: But here’s what really fucks my mind up…
Tom: I can’t fucken wait.
Mike: Where, eggzactly, is dat “some place else”?
Tom: Baldwin?
Mike: An if dere’s an endless number a some place else’s, which dere’s gotta be if da Yuniversity goes on and on, like I says, den where da fuck are dey?
Tom: Good question. For now, all’s I can be sure about is youse going on and on forfuckenever.
Mike: Youse not blow away by all dis shit?
Tom: Indeed I’s am.
Mike: Tank Gawd.
Tom: But fer now, da sometin dat juss got rolled outta da nuttin is our five-turdy-tree train, which I suggest youse board before youse brains fall outta youse ass.
Mike: Too late.
Tom: Figgered.
Mike: Have a nice fucken day.
Tom: Youse too’s.
Mike: Hope youse face gets betta.
Tom: Not a chance.
Mike: Figgered.
Are you having fun yet? More Tom for you…
