Doesn’t Take Much
How just an iota of sincere kudos goes a long way
My friend Lisa messaged me the other day, asking how I was doing after my recent move back to Southern California. I told her that I was “poor, but happy” — poor because I’ve been focusing on my creative writing, and happy because I’ve been focusing on my creative writing.
Her response was simple and direct. “Keep plugging away I think you can make it as a writer!” Heart emojing her back, I’ve since been glowing from the spontaneous generosity of her lovely message: Keep plugging way— don’t stop, and I think you can make it as a writer! — I believe in you.
Not long ago another friend did the opposite. “You can’t make a living with your writing,” she frowned, “so why are you writing more books?” Obvious translation: You can’t make a living with your writing — your passion has no value, and why are you writing more books? — go ahead and give up already.
Being successful at things worth being successful at is hard, a truth that makes being successful at things worth being successful at hard. Progress demands determination above all else, a willingness to endure not only the exhaustion of daily work, but the long line of assholes hurling obstacles.
Few pursuits are more challenging than the arts, because validation and reinforcement are so fleeting and scarce, especially early on. That’s why even the tiniest, most off-hand messages like Lisa’s go such a long way. Neither patronizing nor condescending, she believes and encourages.
Writing is arguably the most isolating and time-consuming of the arts, making her kudos even more meaningful. Saving one life is as if you’ve saved the entire world — and hearing praise from one friend is as if everyone on the planet reads and loves your shit, asking for more.
Helping people thrive and realize their full potential doesn’t take much. Quite the contrary, the more immediate and flippant the support, the more sincere and altruistic it becomes. The greatest charity is when the giver expects nothing in return, and the receiver owes nothing but a smile.
Throwing in the towel on meritocracy, our society is paradoxically replete with positive reinforcement. Kids in school are patted on the back for simply showing up, given awards for being average. Failure is sugar coated, success is downplayed, and mediocrity is most comfortable.
That implicit sense of entitlement permeates and fuels our petty grievances, drives the growing partisan wedge. Accustomed to being pampered, Americans become outraged over minor inconveniences, and ignore seismic problems that demand merely the smallest sacrifices.
In parallel the marketplace has become even more savage, greedy, and self-serving, perhaps the only honest reflection of our national zeitgeist. At the start and end of every day it’s still all about the money, more so than ever before. The resulting income inequality perpetuates this vicious cycle.
The grand irony is that genuine praise is lost in this schizophrenic mess of shallow platitudes and systemic abuse. Devoid of trust, honesty is impossible. Everyone is always working an angle, vying to gain advantage. Sincere appreciation and heartfelt support are seen as weaknesses.
The lesson for the artist is staying true to one’s craft. Intrinsic value demands zero reimbursement or recompense. If you do what you do from passion and love, then jealousy and hatred cannot stop you. The only critic to abide is the discerning and demanding writer within. Keep typing.
Along the way, the likes of a little love note from Lisa goes a long way. However stalwart and stoic, stubborn and reclusive, artists are people, too. We need the occasional ego massage, not much but just enough to remind ourselves that our service to the Muse is appreciated and supported.
Such hat tips also help prioritize and often cull our relationships with friends and family, colleagues and collaborators. “Follow the love,” is the best advice anyone can ever give you, a simple and wonderful truism that helps guide the boldest iconoclasts and explorers through the wilderness.
