Does Your Relationship Pass the GGG Test?

You and your lover need GOOD, GIVING, and GAME to flourish

Savage Love

Dan Savage is a superb sex advice columnist, applying compassion and creativity to free people’s minds and bodies since 1991. His insights and recommendations are a refreshing change from the Ann Landers’ prudery and potato salad recipes of prior generations, and we’re all better for it.

One of my favorite ideas from Dan is his coining and application of the acronym GGG. Now fairly ubiquitous on savvy dating profiles, and part of the lexicon of sex positivity, I’ve personally found its understanding and adoption to be the cornerstone of any healthy intimate relationship.

Here’s a description of the components of GGG, useful because their presence or absence is an indicator of where lovers are or aren’t, where they can or can’t go. Consider these a handy checklist of prerequisites for satisfying sexual relationships, and see what happens from there:

GOOD

The first element, without which leveling up to GIVING and GAME is impossible. Just as no two people are alike, each physical and emotional connection is unique. Sometimes the chemistry and interpersonal dynamic works, sometimes not. Attraction is as complex as those experiencing it.

Multiple factors influence the interaction, most of which are beyond anyone’s control. Early on, pay attention to bodies and minds, honestly and directly answer this basic question: “Are we GOOD in bed?” Personal definitions vary, as do the criteria. Bottom line you either are, or aren’t.

You’ll know it when you see it. Arousal could be spontaneous or responsive, with varying degrees of immediacy, intensity, immersion, and intimacy. Different strokes for different folks, yet consistent and reliable indicators of GOOD are eager anticipation, sustained satisfaction, and wanting more.

GIVING

If the answer to being GOOD in bed is yes, then the bridge to GAME is generosity. Our society tends to objectify everything including satisfaction, so the difference between the thing that’s given and the intent of giving is often confused. Instead, GIVING is attention focused away from oneself.