Billion Dollar Baby

Elon Musk keeps doing whatever he wants with impunity

Mookie Spitz
3 min readMay 14, 2022


Musk’s Minions are leaping to his defense like happy lemmings to the newsflash of the Twitter deal being placed “on hold,” yet another instance where the savant does just about anything to the endless accolades of his autistic army.

Daddy issues aside, don’t these people have better things to do than blindly worship such a paragon of narcissism, impulsiveness, and infantilism? I’ll be the first to give credit where credit is due, but seriously, WTF? And they’re not the only ones.

The Celebrity Billionaire double-standard is ubiquitous and distressing. A nanosecond after Elon tweets, shares bull or bear billions in market cap. That’s bad enough if those shares wouldn’t also be of the companies he either already owns or wants to acquire.

The conflict of interest and market manipulation is obvious, extreme, and illegal. Anyone else pulling this shit would go to jail. Yet this South African Tony Stark seems to do whatever he wants with impunity because… Why?

He’s a “genius”? He’s admittedly transformed transportation? He shot his favorite red roadster out to Mars? He fucked Amber Heard? The guy IS a trailblazer, somehow leads multiple cutting edge, successful companies. He sold a flamethrower online.

But come onnnnnnnn. It’s obvious he shit his pants after putting together a $43B deal only to see the markets tank — to a certain extent because of his own reckless ass. Tying Twitter to Tesla stock, the absurd level of risk became self-evident, and he made the bullshit excuse about the bots.

Will the deal eventually go through? Well, I think that largely depends on how stupid and chickenshit the Twitter board is. Clearly Elon wants to renegotiate his ridiculous $54.20 / share offer, or wisely walk away from an enormously risky, expensive, and complicated pain in the ass.

In his wake he leaves millions of fucked shareholders, a further destabilized social media company, and a new standard on Wall Street where if you’re rich and famous enough you can do whatever you feel like. The overall result is net-negative for everyone, except, of course, Elon.



Mookie Spitz

Chicago native now in New York City by way of LA. Hungarian parents, Korean kids, racks of electric guitars, shelves of Rubik's Cubes, and mountains of LEGO.


See more recommendations