5 Tips to Becoming a Healthier Human

According to 23andMe, my DNA is about 1.8% Neanderthal, which most of my family and friends insist is way too low. Their evidence is convincing, ranging from my caveman good looks to mating habits.

My daily exercise routine is also prehistoric, consisting of about an hour of grunting and groaning. Not only do I totally lack discipline or follow any routine, but I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.

Maybe that’s how I’m in my 50s and still able to run marathons with flat feet and arch supports, lift weights despite two…


How the firing of Gina Carano makes us all less free.

Dropping the Shock Trooper

I confess to being a huge Baby Yoda fan. From the moment my fourteen-year-old son showed me a scene from THE MANDALORIAN featuring the little green wrinkly kid with gigantic ears and a mischievous grin, I was all-in. Showcasing terrific storytelling, casting, and F/X, the spinoff show has been an enormous hit.

Arguably even better than the STAR WARS franchise that spawned it, the series has driven millions of Disney+ subscriptions and been exalted by entertainment critics, diehard fans, and newbies alike. …


What a guy will do to try and get a date.

Embracing the Impossible

Johnny Fazoolie had the knack for being the wrong guy at the right place at the right time. Half big genius and half bullshit artist, he was so slick people couldn’t tell the difference.

His scam was starting startup companies based on amazing concepts that investors couldn’t resist. Only problem was the concepts were so amazing that he never delivered a final product.

The more outlandish the concept, the more enthralling his sales pitch. …


How being pulled apart pushes us closer together.

Perspective is always lacking during a catastrophic event such as a global pandemic, but at least we can try for some good old fashioned empathy. With hundreds of thousands dead and millions impoverished, you’d think that would come easily. Reality has sadly proven otherwise, eliciting an emotion we actually still have in droves: surprise. Losing that, we’d surely be lost.

A high school chemstry teacher, Frank Cardulla, taught me a life lesson I’d only appreciate decades later: if you want to understand how a complex system works, reduce it down to its…


In which a science denier denies herself out of existence.

The Karendemic

Descartes famously wrote “I think therefore I am” and became immortal. Karen, by not thinking at all, eventually vanished forever.

Not that anyone misses her, mind you. Most of us got tired of enduring her endless rants and raves, and are relieved to see her go.

“Everything you read is a lie!” Karen would shout across the table, her friends and family rolling their eyes, trying to change the subject.

Anything could trigger her, and something always did. The phoney pandemic. The communist governor. The rigged election. The…


Let’s protect ourselves and each other, save the economy, and express empathy for those who suffer.

I’m not Batman — I’m just a guy who covers his face whenever he’s in public.

I wear a mask because a new and dangerous virus has already killed more than 300,000 of my fellow Americans, ruined much of our economy, and continues to spread across the country and throughout the world.

The virus mostly spreads through water droplets released from our mouths. …


Nothing I do pleases her, because everything I do is wrong.

Happy Places

Everyone wants to be in a Happy Place, our own zone of comfort, safety, and enjoyment. When Happy Places overlap, relationships form. When Happy Places get farther or split, so do people. Nobody likes an Unhappy Place.

My wife and I shared a Happy Place when we dated, a place with no kids and tons of sex. We either hit it in her apartment, or went out on the town and hit it later. We talked for hours on her couch, hitting it before, during, and after.


When what can’t be sent must still be said.

I know, that you know, that we both know, we think about each other.
Our moods shift like water, from love that burns like fire.

We shared so many marvelous moments together!
Only flickering memories remain.

We were perfect for each other until we were not.
Maybe we should have stopped then, but the flame was still too bright.

I know now, like I knew then, you wished everyone to be happy.
I wish I could have shown you how.

I hope you know now, how much I wished then, for…


Please yourself and your partner like never before by learning how to destroy the myth that men have a biological limit to lovemaking.

Most things we take for granted are true, but not all: Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet — and men can’t climax like women, no matter what they do. Obvious, right? Actually, wrong. With a creative change in attitude and playful determination, couples can experience a new level of intimate satisfaction through gradual mastery of the male multiple orgasm.

By “mastering the male multiple orgasm” I literally mean learning how to repeatedly ejaculate with…


How I beat the odds at a poker game and won a prize that defies imagination.

Luck comes and goes in streaks, defying the odds. Cardsharps focus more on the players than the math. The power to read minds and transform outcomes is every gambler’s dream.

Opposite me sits Carlos, a pink-faced, overweight, gray-haired late entry. He looks exhausted, as if he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted in life — and then some.

“Where you from?” I ask, the chair creaking beneath his bulk as he cashes in, not bothering to count his chips. …

Mookie Spitz

Chicago native now in New York City by way of LA. Hungarian parents, Korean kids, racks of electric guitars, shelves of Rubik's Cubes, and mountains of LEGO.

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